• "Try our Sundays. They're better than Baskin-Robbins'."

    • "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."

    • An ad for St. Joseph's church has two hands holding stone tablets inscribed with the Ten Commandments. The headline reads: "For fast relief, take two tablets."

    • "Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."

    • "How will you spend eternity -- smoking or nonsmoking?"

    • "Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

    • "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

    • "In the dark? Follow the Son!"

    • " This is a CH_ _ CH. What's missing? --------> (U R)."

    • "Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives."

    • "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, hours are long, and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world!"

    • "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here."

    • "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

    • "Free trip to heaven. Details inside!"

    • "If you are headed in the wrong direction, remember that God allows U-turns."

    • "Sign broken. Get the message inside on Sunday."