Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invocation.

Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Halftime - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, kneel, or apparently do anything at all but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be put in the collection plate.

Two-Minute Warning - The point at which you realize the service is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay - When the preacher loses his notes and falls back to using last
week's sermon.

Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the
preacher goes into "overtime".

Trap - You're called on to lead the next prayer and are asleep.

End Run - Getting out of church quickly, without speaking to any guest or fellow members.

Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to
affect your life.

Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

[Thanks to Les Pourciau]

[From Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much]

If I Can't...

     A four-year-old was in church when the wine and communion wafers were passed out. He was very interested in this, and started to get up. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.

     Later, when the collection plate came by, he ignored it. His mother again leaned over and tried to coax the nickel out of him. He steadfastly refused, stating, "If I can't eat, I'm not paying."