- Nike "swoosh" on the cross

     - Communion now sponsored by Welch's Grape Juice

     - Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements

     - In Christmas play, Joseph seen with a pack of Luckies

     - Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench

     - Personal pew licenses now sold

     - Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World

     - Statue of Mary seen holding keys to a Jeep

     - Holy water spiked with Diet Pepsi

     - The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters

     - Luxury pews with wet bar and satellite TV

     - Scripture verses brought to you by Windows '98

     - Pastor doing subliminal product messages during sermon

     - Bulletin has coupon section

     - Choir members wear Dockers

     - There is a twist of lemon in the holy water

     - In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a towel

     - There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate

     - Offering envelopes bearing Visa or Mastercard emblems on them

     - Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC

     - Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC

     - Sunday morning televised services sponsored by the FOX network

     - Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos

     - Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes

     - Choir robes with the Lands' End emblem on front

     - Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo

     - Free Perrier at all baptism

     - Church flag football team sponsored by the XFL