Well, it's
time to haul out the ladder and string the colored lights and frayed electrical wiring
along the metal gutters. It's become a holiday tradition to see sparks flying out of
Daddy's ears.
I don't know if my
kids' Christmas toys will break down, but when I saw the price I did.
The first
indication that your office party is getting out of hand is when everyone selects
"Uptown Girl" as their favorite Christmas carol.
Have you noticed? Every Christmas you get a little closer to
filling out your Santa suit without any extra padding?
The New York Mets doll is so realistic, when you wind it up it
rolls over and plays dead.
I have two wishes for the holidays: that our Christmas tree doesn't turn brown, and the
jewelry I'm giving my wife doesn't turn green.
We had it rough when
I was a kid. One year my stocking was stuffed with Stove Top.
I asked my daughter's boyfriend if he
agreed there's no place like home for the holidays.
He said, "Sure."
I said, "Great -- go home!"
In the old days Christmas was
fun. One year I kissed so many girls under the mistletoe, my lips got a charley horse.
At Christmas kids
want a lot of presents so they exaggerate how good they've been. It's a technique they
learned form the political candidates.
If Santa lived at the South Pole we'd probably have a reindeer named Bubba.
Marriages are stronger during the
Christmas season. Husbands have TV football to ignore their wives, and wives have
Christmas shopping to ignore their husbands.
The truck stop is really into the
spirit of the season. They're featuring "divinity gravy."
Sunday our pastor preached that
the real joy of Christmas is the celebration of Christ and not receiving gifts. Gee, I
wish the boss hadn't been there.
Remember how tough it was
to get all the things you wanted for Christmas from your parents? Well, just turn them
loose now in a Toys R-Us and watch them buy for their grandchildren!
Remember, no matter
what toys you buy your kids for Christmas, by afternoon they'll be over playing with the
betters ones the neighbor kid got.
You know what's strange about Christmas? We leave homeless people outside on the street
and we bring trees inside.
I'm really into a high-tech
Christmas. This year I bought a "Clapper" tree.
This Christmas there's a (Dallas
Cowboys) doll, and just like the real (Cowboys) it doesn't play football either.
I'll tell you what's really needed at Christmas: a toy you wind up that
puts batteries in all the other toys.
Our kids are rough on toys. Some year I hope to finish my Christmas
morning coffee before the first wheel comes off.
I'll never forget. Our son said his first words on Christmas morning:
"Is that all?"
