Easter Fun-Liners

Easter Fun-Liners

Easter is when everybody dresses up for Jesus’ big coming out party.

Pastors work extra hard on their Easter sermons. After all, on Easter, nobody wants to lay an egg.

How can you have a holiday without a football game? You know, I guess Christians really are a peculiar people.

I grew up poor in the South. On Easter we always had a hush puppy hunt.
The night before, the whole family would sit around, coloring hush puppies.

When I was a kid I really hated wearing a suit on Easter Sunday. I always thought it was hard to praise the Lord when you felt like a Sears mannequin.

You have two choices this Easter: you can be fashionable—or you can look good.

Let’s face it. We have to buy a new Easter outfit this year — because we can’t fit into last year’s.

Easter is when a lot of people repent — and wish they’d bought the outfit that was on sale.

When Judas was paid 30 pieces of silver, it was dirty money. In biblical times a guy who dirty money was condemned. Today he gets elected.

Our son is hard to please. He likes those candy Easter eggs, but he wants them scrambled.

Take my advice: don't hide Easter eggs inside the house. There'll always be one egg you won't find -- until you notice the purple cockroaches.

Today’s money-saving Easter tip. Make the kids’ plastic Easter-basket grass yourself — just run a Hefty bag through the pasta maker.

Today’s Easter warning for pastors. Remember, if you preach too long at the Easter youth service, you’ll never be able to duck all the jelly beans.

     The young ladies I know don’t wear bonnets, even on Easter. Maybe that old song should go like this:
     I could write a rap,
     About your Easter cap.

The Easter Bunny must be a male. Who else would think it’s cool to leave eggs in shoes?

Did you ever wonder why we always leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus, but we never leave a salad out for the Easter Bunny?

Did you ever wonder what the Easter Bunny picks up on his rabbit ears?

Have you ever wondered, since eggs become so much more appealing to kids when you color them and hide them, if that would also work for broccoli?

Have you ever noticed on Easter how husbands tend to hide the Cadbury Creme Eggs where only they can find them?

Sunday is Easter, a time to celebrate new life with maybe a new outfit, an Easter egg hunt, or just a prayer of Thanksgiving and a warm feeling. And I know somehow, somewhere, before the day is over, I'm gonna consume an entire chocolate bunny.

You can tell it's almost Easter. All the teenagers are coloring their Easter hair.

I asked my teenage son if he was going to sunrise service on Easter. He said, "What’s a sunrise?"

It was hard explaining to the cat that the kid’s Easter basket was NOT a yuppie litter box.