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Today is Friday the 13th. We mark the occasion with "Little Known
Scary Stuff That Occurred on Friday the 13th:
• On Friday the 13th, 1979, a black cat crossed the path of
Houston football player Tony Frisch and was accidentally kicked 67 yards for a world
record.
• On Friday the 13th in 1962 a Colorado couple, while watching
Channel 13 in the honeymoon suite of a Las Vegas motel, were crushed to death by a falling
mirror.
• On Friday the 13th in 1957 a duck hunter, wearing a rabbit's
foot around his neck while hunting near 12-Gauge, Texas, was kicked to death by a giant
3-legged jack rabbit.
• On Friday the 13th in 1966 a Detroit sociologist, who had just
demonstrated his lack of fear by walking under 13 ladders and throwing a black cat through
a mirror, was run over by a limousine driven by blind soul singer.
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Today is
Friday the 13th, unluckiest day of the year, so don’t take any unnecessary chances:
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not tell National Rifle Klan jokes at the Militia Expo.
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not offer to give away your Beanie Baby at a soccer mom’s convention.
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not invest heavily in a product called Howard Stern’s Ultra-Hold Flea Spray.
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not give Sammy "The Bull" Gravano a lecture on family values.
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| If
you’re going out for Chinese, do not order the black-cat soup.
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not tell doctor jokes during your prostate exam.
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Important things to remember on Friday the
13th:
| Never trust a rabbit that tries to sell you his foot.
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| Never walk under a mirror or break a black cat.
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| 4-leaf clovers are lucky today -- but not if you smoke them.
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| The number "13" is very unlucky--especially if it's the
only one you can get on the drugstore blood pressure machine.
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| It is very unlucky today if a black crosses your path or gets
flushed down your toilet.
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| Walking under a ladder can be very unlucky today --
especially if it's at the drugstore the 16-year-old with zits is climbing down with a
barbecue grill.
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| Stepping on a cricket can very extremely unlucky today --
especially for the cricket.
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| Wearing garlic around your neck today will ward off evil spirits.
It will also ward off good spirits, indifferent spirits, and any other spirits with noses.
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| A rabbit's foot is not lucky. If you don't believe me, ask
the rabbit.
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| Wearing a lucky penny between your toes means good luck and
blisters.
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| For good luck, hang a horseshoe over your front door. For really
good luck, hang the entire horse over your front door.
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| Step on a crack, break your mother's back. But don't worry about
it. After rearing you, mom probably would enjoy traction.
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| Horseshoes usually bring good luck today, but never trust a horse
that wears high heels.
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| If you think walking under a step-ladder is unlucky, try walking
under your step-mother.
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| A rabbit's foot can be lucky, unless the rabbit sets foot in your
garden, in which case he'll probably eat your stringbeans.
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Copyright 2008 by Joe Hickman |
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