The Fourth of
July, when we stop to commemorate this nation’s heritage and celebrate our
inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of the perfect weed eater.
The closest I ever got to
fireworks on July 4th was my brother shooting off his mouth again.
Thank goodness our forefathers
decided to declare independence on July 4th. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have any holidays
in the summer.
Some Fourth of July Do's and
Don'ts:
Do: Visit the Liberty Bell.
Don't: Try to play "Bohemian Rhapsody" on it with a BB
gun.
Do: Light fireworks under parental supervision.
Don't: Light fireworks under your parents.
There'll be
lots of fireworks on the Fourth of July. Donald
Trump and Rosie O'Donnell have been invited to the same
party.
What was so great about our
Founding Fathers? Simple. They were neither Democrats nor Republicans.
Soldiers in the Revolutionary War
wore pants that came down to just below the knees. They must have had the same supply
sergeant I did.
We’re still not safe on the
Fourth of July. Our town banned fireworks, but it allows oratory.
We’re inviting the neighbors
over for our traditional July 4th rib and eyebrow burn off.
Firecrackers are too dangerous,
so this Fourth of July kids are encouraged to make noise with their hands and armpits.
Rush Limbaugh will spend the
Fourth of July throwing firecrackers at illegal aliens.
Of all the American heroes, Betsy
Ross is the one everybody loves. Patriotic Americans love her because she made a flag they
can wave, and radicals love her because she made a flag they can burn.
Americans hold the Declaration of
Independence in the same regard as the National Anthem. We don’t know the words to
either one.
The curly wigs that our colonial
ancestors wore aren’t needed anymore. Today gas prices will curl your hair.
The FBI raided a militia’s
Fourth of July celebration. The agents searched through stacks of assault weapons, machine
guns, rocket launchers, and they confiscated the illegal stuff—the firecrackers.
Well, it's the Fourth of
July, so eat, drink, and be merry -- for tomorrow the stores start decorating for
Christmas.
My wife is so nice. For
the Fourth of July she made me a cherry bomb pie.
This was the loudest Fourth of
July ever in our neighborhood. It’s the (6th
of July) of July now, and the dogs are still
under the bed.
