Well, here it is, the last big summer holiday -- your last chance this year to let chiggers crawl up your shorts.
Somewhere back there I lost control. For Labor Day my wife is expecting pearls.
There's got to be something wrong with a society that spends its last big summer holiday
weekend watching a Jerry Lewis telethon.
Well, here it is Labor Day. I hope you didn't forget to send an FTD
bouquet to your favorite Teamster.
I always look forward to Labor Day because that's usually when the pools close. And it'll be
nice to see the kids again without pink eyes and wet hair.
I always make a contribution to Jerry's kids. I mean, why not? Thanks to Jerry, MD has become my favorite disease.
Actually, the Labor Day Telethon is a unique show business phenomenon. It makes millions of dollars without exploiting sex,
violence, or drugs, and then gives the money to charity. It's almost un-American.
I love the big contributors on the telethon. "Yeah, Jerry, during 2011 we're so very proud to donate 10-cents to your kids
for every yacht we sell."
I can hardly wait for Labor Day. Every year it's a big deal at my house to set in front of the TV till 4:00 in the morning,
trying to guess when Jerry Lewis will undo his bow tie.
Jerry Lewis is so good at collecting money, if he ever quit the M-D Telethon he'd have a bright future as a TV evangelist.
I know it's Labor Day. I just saw a flock of mosquitoes flying south.
By the way, you cannot catch AIDS from a mosquito. Unless, of course, you share a needle with one.
What I don't understand about Labor Day is, if it's to honor the working man, how come Republicans get a holiday, too?
Hey, let's be honest. Labor Day is not really a holiday. It's just an excuse to have an After-Back-To-School Sale.
Every year people watch the Jerry Lewis telethon hoping to see the end of that horrible affliction -- Jerry's singing.
Drive carefully. Remember, Labor Day is a little like Thanksgiving -- there are a lot of turkeys out there.
Labor Day is a strange holiday: no decorations, no cards or flowers, no fireworks or costumes. I guess the working class is
just to pooped to party.
Every time the telethon raises another million dollars, Jerry Lewis starts singing. They might raise more money if Jerry
stopped singing.
But remember, be generous to the Jerry Lewis Telethon and, one day, they'll accomplish their most important goals: to cure
muscular dystrophy and to get Jerry Lewis off TV.
What do you suppose people did to relax on holiday weekends back in the old days -- before they had cars to kill each other
with?
There's a rumor that Jimmy Hoffa is alive and well and living is Mississippi -- managing Elvis.
It's Labor Day and another summer is over. Well, nothing lasts forever -- except George Hamilton's tan.
They should have a Labor Day lottery. Anyone who can drive 50 miles without an accident wins a Fuzzbuster.
When all the money is counted, the Jerry Lewis Telethon will have raised more money than last year -- unless Donald Trump's
check bounces.
Today is Labor Day in the U.S. and Canada. Labor Day is
more fun in Canada because labor gets more respect. In the U.S. the
conservatives are in control, so about all labor can do is talk about injustice and wonder
what ever happened to the pension fund.
Gee, here it is Labor Day again, and you know what that
means. It's back to work for department store Santa Clauses.
If unions are so strong, how come labor gets one day a year and management gets the other
364?
If industry keeps automating this may soon be Robot Day.
The highways will be packed this weekend so remember, if you drive don't drink. And if you
drink, have a nice forever.
So do as millions do, hit the highway this holiday weekend. Remember, it's the last chance to
wreck your car before the new models come out.
The purpose of Labor Day is to give the working class a chance to rest before they go back to
looking for a job.
Well, the Labor Day picnic was really wild this year. Somebody put real sugar in the Kool-Aid.
