You may have noticed it shopping for Valentine gifts. Every year cheap sentimentality gets more expensive.

Valentine's Day is named for St. Valentine, the patron saint of candy companies.

I think my wife is trying to tell me something. She got me a big Valentine heart -- with a pacemaker.

I got my wife one of those big $15.00 heart-shaped boxes of candy. I bought it last year, the day after Valentine's Day, for 49 cents.

Valentine's Day is always special at our house. We have a nice candlelight dinner; then I'll put some soft romantic music on the stereo; then we take down the Christmas tree.

I found a Valentine card that said, "Everything I have is yours." So I sent it to the IRS.

Valentine's Day is weird. How else can you explain showing your love for someone with a 2-pound box of almond nougats?

My wife has so many hobbies, sometimes she gets confused. Like, for Valentine's Day she baked a batch of ceramic cookies.

The sexiest thing my wife did on Valentine's Day was forget to zip up her galoshes.

Romance just isn't the same anymore. I asked one girl to be my Valentine; she said she'd have to discuss it with her attorney.

This year for Valentine's Day my wife wants me to stay away from her.

Remember, men, February 14th is a day for love and kisses and romance and tenderness. But you can forget all that if you forget the flowers and candy.

Valentine's Day is that special day when lovers express their true feelings for each other. Like last year, when I gave my wife a big beautiful heart-shaped box of candy and she gave me a sex manual.

Valentine candy is just too expensive. So this year I gave my wife a 5-pound sack of sugar and a fudge recipe.

And to all you lucky Valentines who got one of those big heart-shaped boxes of candy -- eat your heart out!

The tradition of giving candy on Valentine's Day was started hundreds of years ago. And some of it tastes that old.

Valentine candy reminds me of stretch pants. After you eat a box of it, you have to stretch to get into your pants.