Valentine's Day is named for St. Valentine — the patron saint of florists.
Last year I splurged on dinner, the theater,
wine... This year I'm even thinking about taking a date.
If men really wanted to get lucky, they'd stop buying lottery tickets
and start remembering Valentine's Day.
Most men get their wives the same thing every Valentine's Day —
whatever's left at the store by the time they remember.
I think I'm as romantic as the next guy. Last year I even let my wife pick what brand of
beef jerky she wanted.
I wear a
red ribbon on Valentine's Day -- in memory of all the teeth I've lost eating valentine
candy.
Lawyers love Valentine's Day
because it's a day for romance, which leads to marriage, which leads to divorce.
On Valentine's Day I always try to do something a little extra — like hold the door
open for her when she goes out to shovel the walk.
I'll never forget that special valentine I got in high school from my girlfriend's mother:
"Roses are red, daisies grow straight;
If you keep seeing my daughter, you'll wind up fish
bait."
Remember, ladies, call your
husband at work and wish him a happy Valentine's Day. That way he won't forget to pick you
up a gift on the way home.
Red is the official color of
Valentine's Day because it symbolizes the embarrassment on the man's face and the anger on
the woman's when he forgets it.
Mixed emotions is when you get a
five-pound box of candy with a card that says, "Please be my Valentine, Fatso."
Valentine's Day is a day for
love. Florists love it, candy makers love it, greeting card companies love it....
Valentine's Day is named for
Saint Valentine -- who drove the greeting cards out of Ireland.
Just checking to see if I have
everything I need for tonight. Let's see, flowers, candy, theater tickets -- Now all I
need is a date.
Valentine's Day started with the
Roman festival of Faunas, the god of fertility. As part of the ritual, the Roman men would
cut strips of goat skin and run strike all the women. Which may have been fun for the men,
but wasn't too exciting for the women. Or the goats.
I'm a romanticist. I always buy
my wife flowers on Valentine's Day because I love her. And because, if I don't, she'll
kill me.
Last year on Valentine's Day I
tried something different. I stood outside my wife's window and serenaded her. I was
singing our song, "Disco Duck," -- she opened the window and threw the cat at
me.
Remember, guys, the color of the
flowers tells your girlfriend exactly how you feel. Red means love; pink means friendship;
and yellow means you're scared to death of her mother.
I learned my lesson years ago. I
sent my wife flowers on Valentine's Day and she put 'em in the salad.
This year for Valentine's Day my
wife wants me to stay away from her.
With the price of Valentine
candy, you'd think there was a chocolate crisis.
Remember, February 14th is a day
for love and kisses and romance and passion -- but you can forget all that if you
forget the flowers and candy.
It’s Valentine’s Day,
ladies. This means you may can get him to take you to a movie without any explosions in
it.
Even if candlelight doesn’t
set the mood on Valentine’s Day, it can at least hide some of the mess in your house.
On Valentine’s Day, romance
is in the air—it’s no wonder so many men are disoriented.
In England, it's a tradition on
Valentine's Day to give your sweetheart a gift of fruit or money. Money is better -- it
stays fresh longer.
For most men, ordering flowers on
Valentine’s Day is easy compared to deciding what to put on the card.
What a lovely night out. We stayed
right through the last tag team match.
What a romantic evening! The strolling
violinists even played our song -- "The Theme from Jaws."
I got my holidays mixed up. For
Valentine's Day I got my girlfriend a box of chocolates shaped like Abraham Lincoln.
