In the astrological zodiac, the sun sign changes today to Pisces, the Fish. Which means that everybody must call a completely new 900 number to speak to their personal psychic astrologer -- or their breath will smell forever like clabbered sardine yogurt.

     On this day in 1982 singer Pat Benatar married guitarist Neil Geraldo in Hawaii. Madonna caught the bridal pineapple.

     Today is John Glenn Day, marking that exciting day in 1962 when Big John became the first American to orbit the Earth. John's middle name is Herschel, but that's classified information. Nobody would take the space program seriously if they knew the first astronaut was a guy named Herschel.

     Flautist Joe Silmon set a world record on this day in 1977 by flauting continuously for 48 hours aboard the HMS Dolphin At Gosport, England. Joe finished flauting fairly fast when dockworkers threatened to flog the flautist and flatten his flute.

     George Washington established the federal Post Office on this date in 1792. Two days later, the Post Office performed its first official act -- they closed for George's birthday.

     Charles Barkley is 47 today. Now that he's retired, Charles is finally maturing and doesn't spit on fans anymore. Which is nice. Because it was really inconvenient to take an umbrella to a basketball game.
     Actually, Charles stopped spitting on fans when he moved to Houston. He knew Houston fans would take him down to the Ship Channel and wash his mouth out with pollution.

     On this day in 1872 Silas Noble and James Cooley obtained a patent for their invention of the toothpick. The toothpick was invented to remove food particles stuck between the teeth. Unfortunately, no one has invented anything to remove toothpick particles stuck between the teeth.

     Actor Sidney Poitier is 83 today. I hear he's working on a new movie—"Look Who's Coming to the Retirement Home."

     Actress Sandy Duncan is 64 today. But, since Sandy spends most of her life nibbling on thin wheat crackers, her figure is only 39. One of my life-long dreams is to kidnap Sandy and shove a chocolate cheesecake down her throat.

     Gloria Vanderbilt was born on this day in 1924. And to this day has never changed her hairstyle.

     The U.S. Postal Service was created on this date in 1792. In 1792 it cost 6-cents to mail a letter 30 miles, 12-cents for 150 miles. So, actually, 42-cents to mail a letter across the country today isn't so bad. It's only about a penny a day.

     The world champion high kicker was born on this day in 1910. In 1930 Veronica Evans did 8,005 high kicks without resting in four hours 40 minutes. She probably could have kept kicking, but she began to lose weight and her tights fell down.

     The first combination car-airplane, the Arrowmobile, was built on this date in 1937. Having a combination car and airplane was a great idea -- you could lose your own luggage.

     History's first airborne cow was milked over St. Louis on this date in 1930. I wonder if you milked a cow in outer space if the milk would squirt into the bucket or just float around?
     I wonder why I wondered that.

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