Actress Cheryl Ladd, one of "Charlie's Angels," was born on this day in 1951. Cheryl was a star back in the days when the term "jiggle TV" was not referring to (Rosie O'Donnell's) thighs.

     Comedian Bill Cosby was born on this day in 1937. The Cos made Jell-O Pudding what it is today -- a dessert everybody loves when there's no (best local ice cream).

     Comedian Milton Berle was born on this day in 1908 and lived to be 93. Have you noticed? Comedians seem to live a long time. It's as though the Fountain of Youth is an eternal joke-mill buried deep inside the soul that just keeps spurting out groaners.
     When Uncle Miltie finally died, I bet George Burns was waiting for him at the Pearly Gates in a dress.

     Comedians probably live a long time because they're not  under any stress at all. I mean, when a comedian fails, nobody laughs at him.
     Like now, for example.

     Julius Caesar was born on this date in 102 B.C. Every year Julius would celebrate his birthday by trying to blow out the Roman candles on his cake.
     One year he almost lost his nose.

     Gaius J. Caesar was born on this day in 102 B.C. Gaius is best remembered by his middle name, Julius, but Roman law required even an emperor to have his chariot title show first name-middle initial. In fact, according to Roman law, today is Gay 12 instead of July 12. But nobody cares about Roman law anymore, especially the Romans.

     Today's revolting Julius Caesar trivia question:
     Why was Julius Caesar considered to be the greatest Roman of all?
     Julius was considered the greatest Roman of all because he slaughtered a million Gauls. No other Roman had the gall to slaughter so many Gauls.
     Also, Julius was mentally deranged and had fits, which in those days were the two most important qualities for leadership.

     The Father of Modern Medicine was born in Ontario on this date in 1849. Sir William Osler gave us two things modern medicine couldn't do without: He wrote The Principles and Practice of Medicine, and he invented the window envelope.

      On this day in 1987 a newly-born Yugoslavian boy was proclaimed to be the 5-billionth living person on Earth. Understandably, being the 5-billionth person on earth, he had a tough time buying into it when Mr. Rogers told him, "You’re special."

     Bill Cosby was born on this day in 1937. Bill is living proof that if you give people something really funny to watch on TV, they'll tune in by the millions. This theory did not work, of course, when they put TV cameras in the U.S. Senate.

     Today is Independence Day in Kiribati (pronounced Kiribass), a Pacific island nation of some 75-thousand people. I tried to call and wish them happy Independence Day, but the phone was busy.
     Probably Verizon with a special Independence Day long-distance offer.

     The Turtle Derby is this week in Baltimore. Turtle racing isn't as dangerous as, say, the Indy 500. In all of turtle racing history, there's never been a fatality. Nobody even brings a fire extinguisher.
     One year the pace turtle got so excited he almost had a heart attack, but a turtlemedic slid a Nytro pill under his shell and he was fine.

     Pianist Harvey Van Cliburn was born in Shreveport, Louisiana, on this day in 1934. Harvey's family was poor. They could only afford a piano with one key, and it was out of tune.
     But Harvey practiced and practiced and saved his money and bought other keys, dreaming of the day he'd be asked to play Tchaikovsky on the Louisiana Hayride.
     Instead, he was asked to play Tchaikovsky on the Moscow Hayride, where he won first prize without even having to square dance.

     At Clinton, Massachusetts, on this day in 1859 William Goodale received a patent for inventing a machine that made paper bags. And those first paper bags were designed exactly like modern paper bags: if you held them at the top the bottom fell out.

     Richard Simmons was born on this day in 1948. He's inspired me to lose more weight than anybody else. Every time I watch him I lose my appetite.

     Fat basher Richard Simmons has a birthday today. He'll probably have a broccoli cake with Vegamite frosting.
     Maybe somebody will give him a new outfit. Those pink shorts make him look like a member of the Harlem Globetrotter's sister team -- The Queens' Globeprancers.

     Richard Simmons has so much energy, it's obvious he's suffering from A.D.D. -- Aerobics & Dieting Delirium.

     Julius Caesar was born on this date in 102 B.C. Most people think Julius dreamed up the present calendar, but he didn't. It was a ghost writer named Sosigenes who figured out your average year contains 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 48 seconds. Which, by the way is wrong. In fact, our calendar is off by 25.9 seconds a year. I knew something was wrong.

    Sir William Osler, the Father of Modern Medicine, was born on this day in 1849. Sir William refused to divulge the name of the Mother of Modern Medicine. But to this day, Sir William's textbook, "The Principles and Practice of Medicine," is the Bible of medical students who are too busy to go to church.

    Singer Sandy Patti was born on this day in 1956. Sandi has probably the strongest voice of any singer around today. Sandi's voice is so strong, she can always go back to her old job -- working part-time as a civil defense siren.

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