The first baseball All-Star Game
was played on this date in 1933. Babe Ruth hit a home run. After the game Babe told
reporters, "I'm just happy I could contribute, and I sure hope they don't get some
blob with a pot belly to play me in the movies."
Yo! Sylvester Stallone was born
on this date in 1946. Sly will celebrate his birthday in true action hero fashion. He'll
blow out all the candles on his birthday cake with a machine gun.
The great trumpeter Louie
Armstrong died on this day in 1971. I'll never forget the time I tried to play a trumpet.
I sucked in all the air my lungs would hold, and I blew as hard as I could blow. I don't
know which popped out farther, my eyes or my belly button.
I've had an "outie" ever since.
Merv Griffin was born on
this day in 1925. How powerful is Merv in the TV industry? He’s the only person who
can play the home version of Wheel of Fortune -- and still have Vanna turn the
letters.
In the U.S. Merv Griffin owns
everything the Japanese and Bill Gates don't. But Merv expects to do better next year.
John Paul Jones was born on this
day in 1747. John Paul is the guy who said, "I have not yet begun to fight."
He's the only guy in history who became famous for not yet beginning to fight.
It was also John Paul who said, "Don't give up the
ship." And he didn't -- he sold it.
Sylvester Stallone was born on
this day in 1946. Sly still looks good, but I shudder to think what he'll look like when
all those muscles start to sag.
TV producer Merv Griffin was born
on this day in 1925. He's the guy who pays Vanna White a million a year to turn letters
and wave bye-bye. But it's a bargain. She's just paid to turn letters -- the
"bye-bye" is a bonus.
Captain Kidd was captured in
Boston on this day in 1699. Captain Kidd was a ruthless pirate who took money from
everyone. And though Captain Kidd lived over 300 years ago, many of his methods are still
being used by the IRS.
George Wyman became the first
person to cross the U.S. on a motorcycle when he arrived in New York on this day in 1903.
He didn't stay long, though. He could find a place to park.
Former First Lady Nancy Reagan
was born on this date in 1923. And today, undoubtedly Nancy will give thanks she still has
her health -- and her arms -- which Ron almost sold to Iran.
July is Nude Recreation Month,
but be careful. You don't know what real pain is until you French-fry your nipples.
The Republican Party was
organized during Nude Recreation Month in 1854. It was for conservatives who never take
off their clothes even for special occasions.
Mickey Rigdon of Metairie,
Louisiana, set a record on this day in 1977 by eating 212 oysters in five minutes. An
oyster is a fish built like a nut -- and if he always ate like that, I have a feeling
Mickey was a nut built like a whale.
This is Nude Recreation Month.
Great! With society falling completely apart, just what we need is a nation full of naked
volleyball players.
Lighten up, America -- get naked!
Louis Pasteur gave the first
anti-rabies shot to a young boy on this day in 1885. Then, to see if the shot worked, the
kid had to undergo a series of painful mad dog bites.
On this day in 1535 King Henry
the 8th had Sir Thomas More beheaded because Sir Thomas refused to sanction Henry's
marriage. Henry had a violent temper, and every time he lost his head so did somebody
else.
The Father of the U.S.
Navy, John Paul Jones, was born on this day in 1747. In 1899, the U.S. Navy spent a
million dollars to move John Paul's body from under a Paris apartment house to a $2
million tomb at the U.S. Naval Academy. At the dedication, a U.S. Senator stood atop the
tomb and uttered that famous phrase, "I have just begun to spend."
Oilman Harry Sinclair was
born in Wheeling, West Virginia, on this day in 1876. Harry founded the Sinclair Oil
Company and was a major figure in the 1920s' Teapot Dome scandal. He originated the famous
phrase, "Oily to bed, oily to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and slippery.
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