Today is International Women's Day, a reminder that women are now a worldwide sex.
     They're everywhere! Even in the U.S. Senate.

     Author Sherwood Anderson, who wrote Tea and Sympathy, died on this date in 1941 after swallowing a toothpick at a cocktail party. Local officials immediately passed a law requiring a 7-day waiting period before serving hors d'oeuvres.

     According to tradition, today is the one day each year when skunks mate. They probably can't stand it more than once a year.

     History's most mysterious fish story came from the island of Ula, off the Scottish coast, on this day in 1830. The island was deluged with a downpour of small herring. Honest. It did rain fish!
     To this day, there's been no satisfactory explanation.
     It was so weird many island residents moved to the mainland -- where it only rained cats and dogs.

     Today is International Women's Day; so, guys, honor your wives and girlfriends with the greatest gift a man can give -- let 'em use the remote for a day.
     Maybe I should have said "wives or girlfriends."

      Today is International Women's Day. In Russia, it's a national holiday. Women get to wear military uniforms, parade with missiles, and shout revolutionary slogans. Then, they go home and shave.

     Today is International Women's' Day, sponsored by the United Nations as a day to honor women, especially working women. To this end the U.N. passed a resolution declaring that all women are wonderful, regardless of race, religion, national origin, or sex.

     Today is International Women's Day, a day to honor women for all the work they do. In some countries they present flowers or gifts to women workers. But we try to hold off on that until we're in real trouble.

     Today is International Women's Day, a day to honor working women. Women's Day is the only U.S. holiday now widely observed in almost every country in the world -- except the U.S., where working women are too busy working to be honored.

     Today is International Women's Day, a day to honor women everywhere. It's also the best day of the year for a man to keep his mouth shut.
     And to stay away from the mall.

     International Women's Day is really not fair. We don't have an International Men's Day. We're got to stop all this discrimination!

     On this day in 1894 New York became the first state to require that dogs be licensed. And to this day, the license tags are made by inmates at the dog pound.

     The February Revolution began in Russia on his day in 1917. The February Revolution started March 8; the October Revolution started November 7. The Russians never start a revolution on time.

     The British passed the Stamp Act on this day in 1765. The British did a lot of dumb things in those days. In the first place, they should have known it was unlucky to have 13 colonies.

     This used to be National Aardvark Week. "Aardvark" is a Dutch word that means "dirty pig." And that just about says it.
     Aardvarks are super ugly. In fact, an aardvark isn't even pretty to another aardvark.
     Reportedly, Aarvark lovers did away with National Aardvark Week to get rid of the jokes.
     I can understand that.

     On this day in 1910, the first pilot’s licenses were issued, to a French woman and an English man. Sadly, the French woman wouldn’t stop fixing her hair, and the English man tended to fly on the wrong side of the sky.

     Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes was born on this day in 1841. He didn't really want the job. When he heard he was appointed, he said, "Green Acres is the place to be; farm livin' is the life for me."

     Singer Mickey Dolenz is 65 today and officially becomes a member of the AARM -- the American Association of Retired Monkees.

     On this date in 1985 John McPherson of Newcastle, England, kissed 4,444 women in eight hours. He wanted to kiss 5,000, but after 4,444 he was just too pooped to pucker.

     Today is International Working Women's Day, a day to honor working women everywhere. That's nice, considering they're the ones actually doing most of the work.

      Today is Women's Day, a day to honor women everywhere. There is no Men's Day, but maybe if the women really enjoy their day, next year they'll let the guys have one.

     Today is traditionally Skunks Mating Day, which is sort of sad I think. I mean, mating only once a year -- just shows what can happen if you don't use deodorant.

     New York became the first state to license dogs on this day in 1894. My dog once had his license suspended. He couldn't bark for 30 days.

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