Dennis Rodman was born on
this day in 1961. Dennis was basketball’s best rebounder and had America’s most
creative hair. But the most amazing thing about Dennis was that, even with all his
tattoos, he still didn't drip multi-colored sweat.
On this day in 1992 Frank
Stallone out-boxed Geraldo Rivera on the Howard Stern Show. It was a great stunt,
but it could’ve been even greater if they’d stuffed their gloves in
Howard’s mouth.
Cyrus McCormick, founder of
International Harvester, died on this day in 1884. Cyrus believed man should reap what he
sowed, so he invented the reaper. Ironically, Cyrus never learned to sew, even after Isaac
Singer invented the sewing machine.
This day in 1865 is the day they
drove ole Dixie down. It was a dark day in the South: Richmond fell, the grits market
crashed, and Jefferson Davis' duck went lame.
But they couldn't keep ole Dixie down. Richmond picked
herself up, dusted herself off, and started all over again glory glory hallelujah look
away Disneyland!
The U.S. declared war on Mexico
on this day in 1846. This seemed like a good idea since General Zachary Taylor and the
U.S. Army had invaded Mexico two months earlier. So Congress decided it was time for action!
Singer Stevie Wonder was
born on this day in 1950. He was born Steveland Judkins Morris, but at age 13 he became a
recording artist and changed his name. He had to, it wouldn’t fit on a single.
Happy birthday to Dennis Rodman.
He’ll get a birthday tattoo and go shopping at that new boutique for confused
cross-dressing retired power forwards—Victoria’s Foot Locker.
Motown great Mary Wells was born
on this day in 1943. Her biggest hit song was "My Guy." If she recorded it
today, it would be called "My Significant Other."
The Lemuralia was underway on
this date in ancient Rome. It was a festival propitiating the ghosts of the dead,
according to legend and Shirley MacLaine.
I think she covered it for The Naples Enquirer.
On this day in 1846 the U.S.
declared war on Mexico. Mexico responded by doubling prices at all souvenir stands.
Edgar Rice Burroughs, the man who
created Tarzan, enlisted in the army on this date in 1896. He got the idea for Tarzan from
his commanding officer, who couldn't speak English and had the brains of cheetah.
Today's exciting Tarzan
trivia question: How did the movie and TV Tarzans ever create such a
blood-curdling yell?
Tarzan's most famous movie and TV yell was not a human
yell. It was a combination of the recorded sounds of a violin G-string, a hyena's howl, a
dog's growl, and a camel's bleat. Obviously, such an inhuman sound could only have come
from the strangest of creatures -- or possibly Carol Burnett.
Today is Hummingbird Goose Day in
Goose Bay, Oregon, the day hitch-hiking hummingbirds disembark from the geese they ride
north for the summer. The adult hummingbirds just snuggle into the goose’s down and
say, "Hey, honk when we get there."
The younger hummingbirds keep yelling, "Are we there
yet?"
During a battle with a
group of militants, Philadelphia police accidentally burned down 61 homes on this day in
1985. Today, to mark the occasion, Philly police will burn down another neighborhood while
singing, "Happy Anniversary."
Captain John Smith arrived at
Jamestown on this day in 1607. The mayor, Chief Running Redenbacher, tried to sell him
some popcorn.
Sun Records of Memphis signed
Johnny Cash on this date in 1955. John was right off the farm. He used the signing bonus
to have his guitar treated for termites.
This is Preakness Frog Hop Week
in Baltimore. Frog racing could be big business if we could just get bookies involved in
it. Then we could tax it and earmark the money for wart research.
Joe Louis, the Brown Bomber, was
born on this date in 1914. Joe was World Heavyweight Boxing Champion from 1937 to 1949,
successfully defending his title 25 times. They say fighting Louis was a lot like going
the opera -- it almost always put you to sleep.
On this day in 1955 Sun Records signed
Johnny Cash & the Tennessee Two. Aided by Luther Perkins and Marshall Grant, Cash
created country music's most unique sound with simple songs about trains and prison. He
was so successful, Johnny actually owned his train -- but the never found a prison for
sale.
