Radio host Rush Limbaugh says
he will leave the United States if health care
reform passes. Well, if that doesn’t get the
Democrats to rally, nothing will.
(Jay
Leno)
As President Obama tries to
push the health care reform football over the
goal line, attacks continue from the right that
Mr. Obama is a Fascist, a Socialist and just
like Hitler. You know, I studied my history, but
I don't remember Fascists, Socialists and Hitler
fighting so hard to get universal health care
for poor people.
(writer,
comedian Frank King)
College professors are starting to ban laptop
computers from the classroom. Professors feel
that if crib notes are still good enough for
Sarah Palin, then students shouldn’t need high
tech to cheat.
(Jim
Barach)
In San Diego, a man called
the police when the accelerator on his Prius got
stuck and made his car go 90 miles an hour.
Luckily, the man was able to stop his car when
he ran into another Toyota going in the opposite
direction. (Jimmy
Fallon)
Despite all the recalls,
Toyota's sales are up 50% so far this month. The
company is doing especially well among gamblers,
sky divers, and men who have been married twice.
(Jake Novak)
L.A. Airport has installed
the first full-body scanners in America. This is
a pilot program. They want to start the program
in a city where everyone's bulimic so that the
naked bodies on the demo reel will look good in
the congressional hearings.
(comedian
Argus
Hamilton)
A study says that baseball
players are getting fatter. It must be true,
because McDonalds is planning to open stores
between second and third base in every baseball
field in America. (Pedro
Bartes)
A television producer pleaded
guilty to trying to extort $2 million out of
late night TV host David Letterman. In a plea
deal, he’ll do 6 months in jail, 1000 hours of
community service, and punch up Letterman’s
monologue.
… He’ll be featured next week doing “Tacky Human
Tricks.” (comedy
writer
Jerry Perisho)
A
Pennsylvania woman has been arrested for trying
to recruit terrorists over the internet.
The appeal for the suicide bomber
position was enticing to some.
“Lots of time off.' (Alan
Ray)
