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        President Bush is in Saudi Arabia, where he will visit King Abdullah... and most of the American peoples' money.  (Jake Novak)

       The price of a first class stamp has risen a penny. The Post Office says the added revenue will go for technology upgrades. Translated, an HDTV for the employee break room.  (Alan Ray)

      The San Diego Padres have the worst record in the major leagues. It's beginning to affect business. The team's food vendors say the Padre's are out of the game even before the Ball Park Franks start to plump.  (Gorsefeathers, RadioOnline.com)

      Boston Celtics player Paul Pierce was fined for giving a gang hand sign during a game. The commissioner is worried about gang associations. He's bringing in Michael Jordan to teach the young players sports gambling in hopes it will improve the league's image.   (comedian Argus Hamilton)

       Anchorage, AK -- A bald eagle who lost a wing during the 1989 Exxon Vandez oil spill and wasn't expected to survive lived for twenty years at the Bird Treatment and Learning Center. Which makes "One Wing" the longest surviving handicapped historic symbol -- if you don't count Bush. (Bob Mills - Bereft on the Left)

       Did you ever wake up on a (Wednesday) morning --- feeling like Iron Man with a loose rivet?   (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     A Connecticut boy took off his Brett Favre jersey after wearing it more that 1,500 straight days. That falls just short of the record set by Ralph Nader and his suit.    (Jim Barach)
 

The American Dream

Only in America. . .can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...

Only in America. . .are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

Only in America. . .do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.

Only in America. . .do people order double cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a diet coke. . .

Only in America. . .do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. . .

Only in America. . .do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage. . .

Only in America. . .do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. . .

Only in America. . .do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. . .

Only in America. . .do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well, "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures". . .

Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!

                                                                  [From Joke of the Day]


      Barack Obama has now surpassed Hillary Clinton in the race for superdelegates... adding to the lead Obama already established after winning the talent, swimsuit and interview competitions.  (Jake Novak)

      Sen. Barack Obama continues grabbing the support of superdelegates. Yesterday, he received the support of another superdelegate: Iron Man.   (Pedro Bartes)

     A new economic study shows women have an easier time getting a job than men. All except Hillary Clinton.   (Craig Ferguson)

     This just in. A new poll shows President Bush got only a 41 percent favorable rating for the way he gave the bride away.  (Joe Hickman)

      Gas prices have gone up another dime in the past two weeks. Most oil companies don’t offer free car washes any more. Now, they just soak the customer. (Alan Ray)

     New ‘in-body’ wi-fi devices warn doctors of heart attacks. To encourage physicians to adopt the system, the device will also alert doctors to available tee times when the patient approaches an area golf course. (DUH!Magazine)

     The other day in Iowa, a 78-year-old blind man went bowling, and he bowled a perfect game. Of course, no one had the heart to tell him he was in a supermarket.  (Conan O'Brien)

     
     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    A new poll shows President Bush with a 70% disapproval rating, the lowest-ever recorded for a president. The good news: he has a few more months to go even lower!  (Tim Hunter, WackyWeek.com)

      Jenna Bush was married at the family ranch in Crawford this weekend with President Bush looking on. The ceremony went off flawlessly and without a hitch. Disaster was narrowly averted last month when Donald Rumsfeld was fired as the wedding planner.  (comedian Argus Hamilton)

      Barack Obama had a big slip of the tongue when he told a crowd in Oregon that he had visited "57 states." John McCain was quick to criticize Obama saying the number is really 13 and they're called "colonies." (Gorsefeathers, RadioOnline.com)

      John McCain’s wife was heard saying that they own eight or nine homes. McCain’s wife denies this and said, “What I said is, I tried to put him in a home eight or nine times.”  . (Conan O'Brien)

      The Democrats are in a tough spot: If the superdelegates nominate Clinton, they will alienate a lot of African-American voters. If Obama wins, there are going to be a lot of disappointed women voters, which is why I think more than ever we need a president Oprah.  (Jimmy Kimmel)

     A bill in California would make it illegal to hold a pet while driving. Apparently lawmakers think it would get in the way of putting on makeup or talking on a cell phone. (Jim Barach)

      Zookeepers at the National Zoo say 2 pandas have started the mating process. They claim the sexual dance is similar to that of humans. She communicates her needs. He pretends to listen.  (Alan Ray)

      Riverdale, UT -- Police Chief Dave Hanson, 54, shot himself in the foot while demonstrating for subordinates how to clear a jammed service revolver. He may now be subject to the “Barney Fife Rule,” which requires that an officer’s bullets be kept under lock and key until needed.  (Bob Mills - Bereft on the Left)   

Copyright ©2008 by Copley News Service  -     Copyright ©2008 by Joe Hickman

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Alan Ray     WackyWeek.com    Alex Kaseberg

Jim Barach      HaBlog

Toms Lake Humor Company     The Wit Wizard

 (Gorsefeathers, RadioOnline.com)

Conan O'Brien       Argus Hamilton

Comedy Ointment       Jimmy Kimmel      Jerry Perisho

Jay Leno       David Letterman

Jake Novak     Pedro Bartes     Will Durst

BorowitzReport.com      Bill Maher

 Matt Passet, contributing writer for the Late Show with David Letterman

The Daily Show      The Specious Report

TheDailyFarce.com      TomBurka.com

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