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Poll: One out of Five Americans Do Not Believe Obama Exists

Other important stuff you might have missed:
 

FEMA says that U.S. evacuations may be needed for Hurricane Earl. FEMA officials say they will make that determination once they get back from their Labor Day Holiday. (Jim Barach)

President Obama said he can’t walk around with his birth certificate plastered on his forehead. Apparently he was reacting to new polls that show 1 in 5 Kenyans now believe he was born in Hawaii. (Jay Leno)

Tiger Woods’ divorce is final and he bought an apartment in New York City. It’s making New Yorkers forget about the whole mosque thing. (David Letterman

New York is facing an infestation of disgusting and impossible-to-kill pests. That’s right, the cast of “Jersey Shore” is in town.
-- Bed bugs can live up to a year without feeding. They’re like supermodels.
(Craig Ferguson)

Justin Bieber is performing at the state fair after canceling his last show due to an “illness.” Doctors say they now have the zit under control.  (Jimmy Fallon)

Lady Gaga has surpassed Britney Spears in twitter followers. But don’t worry, Cher is still leading all of them with people who follow her with carrier pigeons and smoke signals.  (comedy writer Alex Kaseberg)  

U.S. combat troops began arriving back home from Iraq Sunday at airports in Miami and Atlanta. Some soldiers got off the planes fully armed with machine guns and full body armor. Those were the ones switching planes for their vacations to Mexico. (comedian Argus Hamilton)

Hurricane Earl may sideswipe the eastern US and cause serious flooding in some states. Down in Texas, George W. Bush prepared to take the blame.
… This is part of what environmentalists are now calling “global moisturizing”
 (comedy writer Jerry Perisho)

An Iranian mullah has issued a fatwa against pets, leading authorities there to ban all advertisements for pets, pet food and other pet products. The terrorists have declared war on terriers.   (writer, comedian Frank King)

All U.S. Workplaces To Be Fitted with Inflatable Slides
How I Got Teabaggers To Watch PBS

The Laws of Dieting

      1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

      2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.

      3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

      4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. e.g. hot chocolate, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.

      5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

      6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.

      7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

      8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

      9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.

    10. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

[From Daily Miscellany]


Ha
Life is happy to recommend:


Alan Ray     Alex Kaseberg

Toms Lake Humor Company

The Comedy Wire    Pedro Bartes

Conan O'Brien       Argus Hamilton

Jim Barack

  Jimmy Kimmel      Jerry Perisho

 Doug Austen

Best of Late Nite Jokes

      David Letterman

Jake Novak       Will Durst

DR. DIGIT'S DAILY HOLLYWOOD MEMORY BLOG

Bob Mills      BorowitzReport.com

Bill Maher       William Hale

The Daily Show      The Specious Report

  WackyWeek.com     Jim Barach 

TheDailyFarce.com      TomBurka.com

Comedy Calendar     Radio Fun--Liners

 Today's Lie
And Literally Loads of Humor Links

 

Copyright 2010 by Joe Hickman

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