2009-06-04
TO DO:
—Get new bathing suit.
—Come on. Whom am I kidding? Get
out old bathing suit. Ignore the fact it predates
the Bush era.
—The W. Bush era, that is. It's
not as if I NEVER get a new bathing suit.
—It would just be nice if
someday they invented an elastic that
stayed
elastic instead of getting
crunchy after a decade or two.
—Also, bathing suits that don't
go out of style, like presidents.
—Quit obsessing about age of
bathing suit!
—Quit obsessing about age!
"Only as old as you
feel."
—Or is it "only as young as you
feel"?
—Positive affirmation: I feel
younger than springtime!
—Of course, springtime has been
with us for a while. Like, ever since the Earth
started spinning on its axis, right? Or at least
since the evolution of plants? I do, for sure, feel
younger than that.
—Just not in my bathing suit.
—Anyway: Buy sunscreen!
—Choose: white glop no one in the
family ever will use because it's like slathering on
blue cheese dressing and pretending that's a normal
way to walk around. The Buffalo wing look.
—Or the clear spray-on stuff that
costs more per ounce than Arpege?
—Buy both. Mere presence of
gloppy white stuff in medicine cabinet will protect
family from skin cancer by appeasing angry
Coppertone god. Can stay there for years.
—Ignore the fact that read
article yesterday that said a responsible family
would go through a WHOLE BOTTLE of sunscreen in a
day at the beach, reapplying after each swim.
—I suppose this is the same
family that cleans the coils behind its refrigerator
on a monthly basis, as the manufacturer suggests.
Supposed to "boost cooling efficiency." As if it is
so easy to move a fridge every month.
—Or ever.
—Which could explain our
electricity bills.
—Quit thinking about things you
didn't do in the middle of "to do" list!
—To Do: Get kids camp checkups.
—Also to do: Stay on hold for 45
minutes waiting for pediatrician's office to
remember you are alive, on the phone, and had
cheerfully responded, "Sure!" to "Can you please
hold?" hoping that your chipper sympathy for their
"crazy day!" would get you better service. So much
for that. You want a crazy day? Try calling the
doctor and, after the first 10 minutes on hold,
realizing you really have to go to the bathroom.
—Quit drifting off topic! Summer!
Coming! Soon! Start exercising!
—Start exercising God-given right
to enjoy life without jogging, stretching,
crunching.
—If I want crunch, I've got the
elastic in my bathing suit.
—Get ready for guests: paper
plates, napkins, tablecloths.
—Feel guilty about using too much
paper.
—Feel guilty about not inviting
people about not to be invited. (But at least you'll
be using less paper.)
—Make guest list for festive (if
small) barbecue and swim!
— Swim?
—In what???
—To Do: Buy bathing suit.
—Or not.
Happy summer!
Lenore Skenazy is a columnist at Advertising Age.
She is the founder of FreeRangeKids.com and the
author of the book "Free-Range Kids: Giving Our
Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with
Worry." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy
(lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other
Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit
the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.
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