Next it's (JOCK) -- disc jockey, entertainer -- and inventor of the electric ear wax remover -- a device that feels so good in your ear you'll want to use it even when there's no wax in there.  (Toms Lake Humor Company) 

     Wow, how wonderful! Another day ... another show ... another chance to screw up....

    What? It's time already? My, how time times flies when you forgot to prepare anything!

      Now, today's exciting dental hygiene tip. It may be a subtle indication that you have "morning breath" if your dog licks your face and gags.

     Inquiring weirdoes want to know: Do you think Sleeping Beauty had morning breath?
      And how many times did she hit the snooze button?

      Remember, the preceding forecast is only an estimate -- your weather may vary.

     (Jock) just called me cheap, selfish, insensitive, and mean. He must want something.

     This week on "Wide World of Geriatric Sports," an Oklahoma geezer sets a world record by jumping his wheelchair over 18 bedpans.

      The worst thing about February is you can't get rid of it until March.

      At my last station the microphone had a rope starter.

      I got a fan mail today. A lady said my show is juvenile, boring, corny, and downright stupid. Well, heck, nobody's perfect.

     I need a job with more stress, more tension. I had a physical -- my blood pressure was 45 over 33-and-a-third.

      Traffic Report. We have a report of a driver weaving in traffic on north (I-30). And another one knitting. One reading the paper ... another one playing games on his cell phone....

     [Garble] Maybe I need to work on my electrocution.

    Today's horoscope. Libra: Your love life is influenced by the Planet Playtex. You can look forward to an 18-hour marriage.

     Tonight's classic TV movie stars June Allyson as an old cowgirl. She's a real cowgirl -- she wears a ten-gallon Depend.

     Is this great radio or what? I bet all you have to do is mention this program and Howard Limbaugh breaks out in a cold sweat.

     On Valentine's Day 900 million valentine cards will be exchanged. That's 900 million little mushy poems. Who says romance is dead?

     (Garble) That was my Bulgarian personality surfacing again.

     Coming up next, the new Italian country sensation Luciano Yoakum Jr. and "I'ma So Lonesome, I Coulda Boo-Hoo."

     I'll leave you with our Thought For The Day: Remember, an apple a day will not prevent brake failure. (Toms Lake Humor Company)