Now, once again, it's The (Jock) Show. It's not a pretty job, but somebody's got to do it.
     And since I have the same name, it might as well be me.

     The boss says if I do a good show today I can hide inside his office closet and listen while he bawls out (DJ) next time he does a bad show. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     There's not much to watch on TV these days, but radio makes up for it by not having much to listen to either. So just keep it right here, gang....

Dog Days Begin Today
    Also,   The Calgary Stampede
And    July 4th Fun

     Who needs a family vacation? We'll just get in the car and argue for six hours in the driveway....

     Today's vacation tip. Remember, before leaving on vacation be sure to have your mail stopped, cancel your newspaper, and set your land mines.

     And don't forget, the winner of our big first annual (Newsman) look-alike contest will receive a free brown paper bag with eyeholes.

     Now today's intriguingly stupid question. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what do you think a humanitarian eats?

     I walked outside this morning and my armpits immediately issued a flash flood watch.

     Now today's thrilling household hint. Remember, never step on a slow cockroach. It only improves the breed.

     I wish you could see the boss's secretary today. I don't want to say her skirt raised a few eyebrows, but I had to reach up and catch mine.

     Talk about frustrating. For five years I searched for a career, then I discovered radio. I've been in radio now for nine years -- that's 14 years I've been searching for a career.

     Now today's exciting appetite suppressant. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and try to imagine a life-size sculpture of Rush Limbaugh -- made from Spam.

     Now, from around the world, across the wide Missouri, and up your alley, this late-breaking newsbreak from our broken news editor....

     Now, news from the zoo beat. Abdominal surgery on a hippopotamus today revealed why his stomach was growling -- he swallowed a dog.

    Our ancestors wanted to celebrate the 4th of July with lots of noise, and they used firecrackers because in those days they didn't have boom boxes.

     On July 4th we honor the millions of men and women who made this country what it is today -- overcrowded.

     Now, today's fishing report. There will be two periods this weekend when fishing is excellent -- before you get there and after you leave.

    This job is so easy, even I could do it.