Well, fans, it finally happened. "The (Jock) Program" has been declared legally off the wall.
     You'll have to put a warning label on your radio.

     Who says disc jockeys aren't celebrities? I've been invited to deliver the commencement address -- at the Royal Academy of Muffler Installers.

     I started my radio career at a station in the tiny town of Dipstick, Arkansas, In fact, I was personally responsible for the FCC opening a branch office in Dipstick, Arkansas. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     Tonight's TV movie stars Ron Howard as a simple small town boy whose life is turned downside-up when he falls for a famous TV talk show hostess. Don't miss "Opie & Oprah: Together at Last!"

     Today's exciting energy conservation tip. Remember, one of those jumbo fans not only saves air conditioning costs, but as an added bonus you don't have to dust.

     [Garble] I’ve just got to go in an get my gums calibrated.

     Horoscope. Virgo: This is not a good day, gastro-intestinally speaking. Beware of any restaurant where the food bounces.

     [Artist] Her voice is so smooth, I bet she gargles with Turtle Wax.

     Today’s royal observation. If Prince Charles’ ears burn every time people talk about him, that could be quite a fire.

     [Syrupy] That song would make a Republican hug a Democrat on Election Day.

     I was gypped. I put a dollar bill into a machine that said "Change," but I don't feel any different yet.

     A barbecue can be fun. Especially if you don't mind eating the food. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

     Today’s Soap Opera Update. Today on One Rash To Give, Vanessa considers several fat farms after firemen use the "jaws of life" to extract her from her hot tub.

     Bullets for today's program were supplied by the National Humane Rifle Association, the exciting new group for hunters who love guns but prefer to shoot only stuffed animals.

     And now, fair maids and maidenesses, t'is the boding moment of farewelling. Pray thee push thou my tune-in button on the morrow, or a crone with a wart on her nose will cast a spell on your Ultra Slim Fast.

     Tomorrow’s show is going to be so great I may stay home and listen to it myself.