And now the (JOCK) Show. Hosted by (JOCK). Produced by (JOCK). Directed by (JOCK). Catering by (JOCK). Transportation by (JOCK). Heck--I even fixed the chair when it squeaked.(Toms Lake Humor Company)

     And now, despite all kinds of expert advice to the contrary, WJOK presents "The (Jock) Show!"

     The time is 7:51. And incredible as it may seem, this makes several days in a row at this exact same time it's been 7:51!

     Now, today's severe weather safety tip from our resident weather expert, Galen Storm. Galen advises, in case of a tornado warning, be prepared to move to a place of safety. Like, for example, Peru!

     [Dead air] Sorry about that. I just had to run out and put a fresh hamster in the generator.

     I feel kind of strange this morning. Maybe I better stop putting horseradish on my Pop-Tarts.

     Solid Old, 19??! I'll never forget 19??. That's the year... I was suspended from school for carving "I love you, Imogene Scrunge" on Imogene Scrunge.

     Gee, the humidity is almost 80%. One guy called from the lake -- he said even the water is soggy.

     And remember, in this city it is illegal to fly a kite during a thunderstorm -- unless the electric company hooks a meter to it.

     Thought for the Day: How come in sports they call it "trash talk," but in music it’s called "rap?"

     We're economizing this summer. Instead of spending all our money on a two-week vacation, we're spending it on a one-week vacation.

     Take my advice. Never stay at a motel where the bed folds out of a lamp.

      I stopped at a roadside park once. A goat wandered up and ate my headlights.

      (Cheatin' song)  That guy should open a computer cheating service.

      There goes the boss's secretary. Except for the mini-skirt, she's a deadringer for Hank Williams Jr.

      [Garble] I need two tongues, so one can watch what the other one is doing.

      I hate it when it rains this much—but it was nice to have Flipper drop by the house again.

     This just in. A (Suburb) man has been forced to cancel his wedding when his mail order bride got lost in the mail.

     Hey, warmer weather has it’s down side. It’s hard to kick the Coke machine in sandals.

     Today’s Soap Opera Update. On "The Young and the Wrestlers," Hulkella learns that her championship bra has turned green, and Spinner wins a killer whale in a late-night game of Go Fish.

     (Next Jock) says the reason there are more criminals on the streets, is because that’s where the crime is.

      Teeth on today's program were brushed with Ultra-Shine, the new toothpaste that gets teeth sparkling white because it contains a secret ingredient -- paint!

    Well, it's time to change the guard, so here goes (Jock), the head of the airwaves; and here comes (Next Jock), the airhead of the airwaves.