There are about 75 million dog owners in the United States. Call us what you like — a free people, a prosperous people, an independent people — what we are is a nation of dog people.

But is a dog the right pet for everyone? Might some of those 75 million dog people actually be — according to personality, lifestyle or circumstance — fish people?

A woman recently called and asked for my advice: "I've never raised a dog, I work 10 hours a day, I live alone, and I just got a puppy."

Diagnosis: fish person.

In fact, she reminded me of the punchline to that joke: What do you get when you combine an agnostic, an insomniac and a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether there really is a dog. Except in this case it's the dog that is left wondering whether he really has an owner.

There are two growing demographics of dog owners: those who get a dog instead of a kid, and those who get a dog for the kid.

A word to the latter group: Kids don't raise puppies. Parents raise puppies.

Parents would be wise not to get a dog for their child thinking the experience of raising a puppy will teach the child responsibility. As they say in the South, that dog don't hunt. In this country, small children are not legally permitted to rear themselves or their young siblings. This is because they are too green in their intellectual and emotional capacities for good judgment to shoulder the burden of such enormous responsibility. Most kids — and some adults — are also too green for the responsibility of a puppy; many, too, for that of a fish.

On a related note, just as parents should not get dogs for kids, kids should not get dogs for parents. People who adopt dogs for their elderly parents usually do so for emotional reasons. Fast-forward two weeks into the reality of those good intentions: 85-year-old mom trips over puppy while trying to walk him and breaks her hip.

Don't get me wrong. Many elderly people, single people and young people make great dog owners — probably because they, or their parents, knew exactly what they were getting into and were prepared to make it work. Before anyone brings a new puppy into a household, they should first check their expectations. Ask the following questions:

— Are my expectations realistic?

— Am I ready to commit upward of 15 years to the care and feeding of this dog?

— Is everyone in the household excited about the idea and willing to do their part?

— Exactly who is going to do what?

— Who will train the dog?

— Who will exercise and play with the dog?

— Who will feed the dog and fill the water bowl?

— Can I afford the regular and surprise expenses that come with a dog?

— And people without children should ask themselves when, if ever, they plan to add a baby to the household.

The problem with getting a dog for the wrong reasons or without thinking it through is that the dog ends up in a shelter when the person realizes they are, at least at that point in their life, a fish person. A true nation of dog people would know better.

Woof!

Dog trainer Matthew "Uncle Matty" Margolis is co-author of 18 books about dogs, a behaviorist, a popular radio and television guest, and host of the PBS series "WOOF! It's a Dog's Life!" Read all of Uncle Matty's columns at the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com, and visit him at www.unclematty.com. Send your questions to dearuncle.gazette@unclematty.com or by mail to Uncle Matty at P.O. Box 3300, Diamond Springs, CA 95619.

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