| Once I went fishing with my wife. I had no luck with half a dozen lures —
and she was getting hits on her earrings.
Q: At a restaurant, you should eat your garnish: (a) so
the waiter won’t think you’re a goober; (b) so you’ll have more bearable
breath until you get to your toothbrush; or (c) so you’ll have lighter colored age
spots when you get old?
A: Parsley, orange wedges,
and celery all are natural breath fresheners (Prevention magazine).
Exercise
Fact: Sit-ups won’t get rid of a pot belly — you have to lose weight
(Vitality magazine).
The only thing "domestic" about my wife is that she
lives in a house.
Today’s
Profound Proverb. Honesty is the best policy—unless your wife asks your opinion of
her new outfit.
My grandparents have been married
65 years and never once considered divorce. Homocide, yes, but never a divorce.
Q: Your eyelids are puffy in the morning. Should you: (a) sleep
with peanut butter in your eyebrows; (b) eat two carrots at bedtime; or (c) hold chilled
teabags against your eyelids?
A: The cold teabags will
unpuff you in a jiffy or anything else cold that won’t hurt your eyes (Super
Healing Foods by F. Goulart, 1995).
My
husband believes in "natural" pest control. In other words, he’d rather
step on the bugs than spray the house.
Q: You have a sore throat. Do the editors of Prevention
magazine suggest you suck on: (a) a frozen prune; (b) a clove; or (c) an avocado?
A: A whole clove. Warm tea
with honey might also help.
I enjoy
jogging. It's just that long ride home with the paramedics that gets me.
I hate running around a track.
Now I know why racehorses never smile. |
