A lady saw two identical 5-year-old twin boys, "My goodness! You boys look exactly
alike -- how do your parents tell you apart?"
"It's easy," one twin said, "We both have
different names."
A young boy, about eight years
old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size
box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy
if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash
my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's
very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might
even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to
the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his
dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some
candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
The boy said, "Oh, he died."
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry
the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your
dog."
"Well," the boy said, "I don't think it was the
detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!" [Gary R. Heacock]
Q: How many minutes a day does the average American
couple spend in meaningful conversation with each other: (a) four minutes; (b) 14 minutes;
or (c) 24 minutes?
A: Four minutes (Center for
Lifestyle Management, Pittsburgh).
On my wedding day my
mother-in-law was crying, and I told her, "You’re not losing a daughter,
you’re gaining me for a son."
She said, "That’s why I’m crying."
Men and
Women: There is a difference...
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1
for a $2 item she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot &
love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men -- but married men are
a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes -- there's no use
in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman --
before marriage & after marriage. [Gary R. Heacock]
We can't afford a vacation this
year. But we can't afford to stay home either. So as long as we can't afford something we
might as well go someplace and enjoy it.
We save a lot of money on vacation by staying at supermarkets.
They're open 24 hours--and they're so big nobody even notices you're living there.
A man is on the phone; he's
frantic. He says, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart!"
The doctor says, "Is this her first child?"
The guys says, "No, you idiot! This is her husband!" |
