► I
love going to family reunion picnics. All that food.
Everyone brings the same dish. It looks like a scene
from "Attack of the Killer Potato Salads."
► At our family reunions we have one rule: don't
talk with your mouth full. Nobody has said a word since
1967.
► These
are serious eaters. They select their knives and forks
like they're choosing a pool cue.
► These
people clean their paper plates so clean we can use them
again.
► And
good ole Uncle Ferdie. He loved those family picnics
'till the day he died. We laid him to rest in a
six-handle Coleman Cooler.
► Every
family reunion has some of the people you really want to
see. And a few the FBI would like to see.
► Aunt
Hazel's cooking caused quite a stir at the picnic. One
of the kids knocked another kid out with a piece of her
Jell-O.
► One
year I brought a Jell-O salad mold, but never again. I
had to leave that thing in the fridge for six months to
get it to mold.
► We
killed a lot flies at the reunion with my Aunt Wanetta's
latest invention: a bug zapper disguised as a macaroni
salad.
► This
year there were so many ants, every time somebody
dropped something, we heard tiny applause.
► We
run an equal opportunity picnic. There's plenty of room
for insects of all colors and creeds.
► Last
year I noticed this one fly perched on the table, and he
never moved while all the other flies whizzed around our
heads. He must have been the air traffic controller.
►
Everybody loves my uncle Cecil. One time when he got
hurt, mosquitoes showed up to
give blood.
