According to a recent survey, the number one question in the American home is whether the
dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty?
And, of course, that depends entirely on whether or not you wash
the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher.
Show me a dishwasher that actually "washes" dishes and
I'll show you a human.
If they can make a dishwasher detergent that get the spots
off your dishes, why can't they make one that gets the food off?
Remember, homeowners, termites are still the cheapest way to have
sunken living room.
Termites are devouring my house. I'd call an exterminator, but
they ate the Yellow Pages.
Not every man's home is his castle. Last night my home computer
yelled at me.
You know your home is drafty when you flip a pancake in the kitchen and it comes down in
the den.
I'll tell you it's a great feeling. We bought our home just five
years ago, and already we've paid off the sidewalk.
Every year more people are having their homes rearranged. Some
people have it done by an interior decorator, but others have it done by a burglar.
When my wife's away I realize
what hard work housekeeping really is -- especially mopping the carpet.
My vacuum cleaner died last night. Choked to death on a giant
dust ball.
My mother is an old fashioned housekeeper. Everything in her
house has to be perfect. I keep telling her, "Mom, it's the 21st century -- nobody
starches toilet tissue!"
I told my family I wanted a little appreciation for all the
housework I do. So they took up a collection and had my dust mop bronzed.
My wife said it wouldn't take 10 minutes to clean out the garage, and
as usual she was right. It didn't take 10 minutes, it took all afternoon.
I feel guilty about a dirty house because of my mother. My mother
could not stand dirt. When you came into my mother's house, she not only insisted
you take off your shoes, she asked you to take a shower!
My mother cleaned every inch of the entire house every day. She
couldn't sleep at night until even the inside of her vacuum cleaner was squeaky clean.
Did you ever wonder who manufactures dust -- and how you
can get your name off their mailing list?
I get so bored doing housework. For excitement, I call myself on the phone, listen to the
busy signal, and wonder who I'm talking to.
I really hate washing dishes. They make so much noise in
the spin cycle.
My wife is such a fussy housekeeper it drives me crazy. I
pay a woman to come in twice a week to dirty up the place.
