I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She's hardly worn the sweatband I got
her last year. Q: Your cheap masking tape keeps tearing in ways you just don’t
appreciate. Should you: (a) burn it and buy some good stuff; (b) throw it through the
store window where you bought it; or (c) zap it in the microwave?
A: Zap in on high for 15 seconds, and it’ll tear like
the good stuff (Tightwad Living magazine).
It happened again last night. My
wife and I were playing Scrabble to see who did the laundry—and she spelled
"Schwarzenegger!"
My wife is very
creative. In fact, a little too creative. How many people do you know who
substitute Milk of Magnesia for white sauce?
I really hate washing dishes.
They make so much noise in the spin cycle.
You have to be
careful what you say. I told my wife it wouldn’t hurt her to take out the
trash. Now I can’t find my golf clubs.
Have you ever noticed,
at the magazine racks, they have all those magazines for new brides, and not one
for new grooms?
Attending a wedding for the first
time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in
white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So why's the groom wearing black?" [From Gary R. Heacock]
Some wives just don't
have a sense of humor. Take my advice, never put a sign in the front yard that says,
"Beware--Pit Mother-in-Law!"
When my wife goes home to her
mother, I always go with her. It’s the only way I can get a decent meal.
My wife read that in
Europe they think a woman becomes more exciting after she's 35. Now she wants to move.
