It's not only
the parents of grown children who grapple with the
empty-nest syndrome. Caregivers who lose their elderly
parents go through a similar loss. Dutiful and loving
adult children look after parents for years,
advocating, cooking, laundering, chauffeuring,
toileting, medicating, etc., etc. Then Mom or Dad
dies, and the grown children are left with countless
hours to fill and, eventually, energy they don't
remember ever having.
Now what? What do you do
with your extra time? How do you redirect the effort
you once put into care-giving?
To begin, you have to
get through the grieving process. Be patient with
yourself; give yourself permission to feel sad, to
grieve in your own way and in your own time. Some
people limp to the other side much slower than others,
and that's OK.
But you will get
there. One morning, you'll awake and realize that the
sun is shining. A whole world awaits you, one that
doesn't revolve around prescription drugs and diapers.
Take advantage of this
opportunity to reclaim yourself and your life; you've
earned it. What is it that you used to daydream about
doing? Did you want to return to school, resume your
career or find a new one?
Would you like to find
a job or volunteer work that's 180 degrees from your
responsibilities for an aging parent? Work with
children, crunch numbers, write a steamy novel?
Or would you prefer to
piggyback on your care-giving experiences? How about
returning to your parents' skilled-nursing facility to
help make it what you always knew it could be? Do you
want to become a nurse or a nursing assistant or
volunteer to make a difference?
How about being an
advocate for older people with no children or a help
and inspiration to families just beginning this
journey?
What you learned from
your care-giving experience can make a difference. And
what a wonderful tribute to the parents you loved and
helped through their last stage of life.
OLDER POTENTIAL
Workers 55-plus are
more productive than younger workers in white-collar
jobs, according to 56 percent of respondents in a
recent survey. At the same time, 41 percent of
respondents believe older workers in rank-and-file
jobs are more productive.
The bad news is that a
higher percentage of employers believe older workers
are costlier, according to the survey, Employer
Attitudes Toward Older Workers, by the Center for
Retirement Research at Boston College. Considering all
aspects of employment, two-thirds of employers think
an older employee is neither better nor worse than a
younger person.
According to the
Center for Retirement Research at Boston College,
other studies show today's older Americans are more
capable of working at later ages than in the past.
Several studies suggest that today's 70-year-olds are
as healthy and mentally competent as were 65-year-olds
three decades ago.
NOTE: An online
bereavement support group is on
www.sandiegoeldercare.com. To sign up for Coping
With Loss, click on Online Support at top of the home
page.
Marsha Kay Seff is editor of The San Diego
Union-Tribune's
www.sandiegoeldercare.com, a Web site for older
folks and their caregivers. She can be contacted at
marsha.seff@uniontrib.com.
Visit Copley News Service at
www.copleynews.com.
