In fact, a study done by Zero to Three, a nonprofit
child-development group, found that 61 percent of the adults who responded condone
spanking as a regular form of punishment. The percentage of parents who actually use
spanking is believed to be much higher.
And when my six-year-old son's behavior went beyond annoying a
few days ago, I briefly felt inclined to join the majority and "teach him a
lesson."
Most parents
reach this point with their kids. You feel like you can't take any more. It usually
happens when you're tired, stressed, and overdone.
So what are your choices when you reach this point?
Spanking certainly can take care of things quickly, and can
temporarily change your kids behavior. But there are many reasons to question the practice
of spanking your kids. Here are five of them:
1. Do you really want your kids to be afraid of you?
Kids will sometimes obey more readily when they're afraid of you. Is
this what you really want?
What
happens when you're not around?
What happens when they're six feet two,
and two hundred pounds?
Effective parenting is based on
love and respect, not fear.
2. Spanking shows your kids that you lack self-control
The huge majority of spanking incidents come when a parent is
angry. What is quite clear to your
child is this: when my Dad or Mom gets angry, they hit me. And when the same child hits
his sister
when he gets angry, do you demand that he shows better self-control?
Something's wrong with this picture. You teach your kids best
through your own actions.
3. You may breed resentment and anger in your kids
Kids who are spanked usually don't learn a great deal about
"correcting" their misbehavior. They
don't usually sit in their rooms and say, "Gosh, I can really see after getting
spanked that I was wrong. I'll do better now." They do think about how angry their
Dad or Mom is, and they can develop a good deal of resentment for their parents.
4. Spanking shows your kids that "might makes
right"
Children aren't the only ones who make mistakes. We make them
every day, right? Can we use our imaginations, and visualize what it would be like for
someone four times our size to pick us up, and swat us on the butt? What would we learn
from that? Would we feel any injustice? You can bet your kids are feeling some.
5. Spanking isn't effective in the long run
Parents who are asked why they spank will report that they use it
to "teach their kids a lesson," or so they won't misbehave again. Many kids who
are spanked will go underground with their misbehavior, and become more cunning to avoid
being caught. If you're spanking your kids fairly often, doesn't this show that it's not
working very well?
Kids who are spanked occasionally aren't ruined for life. But
spanking isn't necessary to discipline a child. Not when a little self-control and a
little creativity is considered.
Parents who don't spank their kids use time outs, re-directing,
or distracting with their kids. They can pick their kids up and let them cool down, or
simply leave the area themselves, so they don't do something they'd regret later.
While these methods aren't always perfect, they help to form the
foundation of a certain kind of household: One in which violence is not "taught"
as a means to better behavior.
After all, we live in a world that's filled with violence.
Can't we provide a place for our kids where there isn't any?
