When security involves a male flight attendant personally sniffing
your luggage.
When your tray table won’t stay up—but it’s okay
because your lunch won’t stay down.
When
the only thing they guarantee is that the food will make you look like your passport
photo.
When
you fasten your Velcro seatbelt.
When
the only floatation device is the Ivory soap in the restroom.
An airport -- that's where people
go to find out how late their flight is going to be.
Never fly an airline whose
motto is, "We'll get you there on time or die trying."
I don't fly well. I have a
carry-on just for air sickness.
Something bothers me. If the
airline you're flying goes bankrupt in mid-air, does the crew stick around until you land?
One airline guarantees not
to lose your luggage. That's because the plane's so small you have sit on your suitcase.
With discount fares, you
don't get first-run movies. You see things like "Leave It to Beaver" -- with
Studebaker commercials.
I get nervous when they show
movies on an airliner -- expecially when the crew comes back to watch.
You know you're flying the
friendly skies when you notice the happy face on your airsick bag.
I worry about mid-air
collisions. Especially when I notice the movie I'm watching is on another plane.
With all the discounted
fares, the airlines are coming up with new ways to make money. For example, it now costs
$3.50 for your kid to ride the baggage conveyor.
