Amusement parks are mis-named. They should be called "Wait In Line" parks.

      I love amusement parks. It's the only place you can lose your kids and make it look like an accident.

     They say last year 20 million people went to (park). That must have been the day I was there.

      I'm not riding anybody's rollercoaster -- or any other vehicle I can't tell who's driving.

      I love all the water rides where everybody gets soaking wet. On a hot day it's fun to walk around and try to figure out which folks got splashed and which ones just buy cheap anti-perspirant.

      I like the  water rides for two reasons: (1) they're refreshing; and (2) nobody will notice if I get scared and wet my pants.

      Isn't it strange that when you're finally tall enough to ride all the rides at the amusement park, you have enough sense to not want to?

      Rollercoasters are like haunted houses. People always scream, then pretend they were scared.

      What adults like most about rollercoasters is being able to sit down after standing in line for two hours.

      One thing you have to say about amusement parks -- they're not cheap thrills.

      Have you noticed how amusement parks aren't nearly as amusing when you run out of money?

      They say 20-million people went to (Six Flags). That must have been the day I was there.

      The key to having fun at an amusement park is to place bets on whether the kids will get sick on the rides or on the food.

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