It’s obvious why (Losers) aren’t winning. Their shorts are too long and their shots are too wide.

     Basketball is America's favorite "running" sport. Number two is avoiding child support payments.

     College basketball exists out of necessity. If there was no basketball, it would be necessary for the players to attend class.

     I can remember the old days of basketball -- when they shot the ball up at the basket, not down into it.

     I play in the over-40 basketball league. We don't have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.

     March Madness describes the mood of everyone who's already working on their income tax.

     The Final Four: sounds like the number of dollars left in O.J.'s bank account.

     The first rule of watching basketball on TV: Watch only the last two minutes. Nothing much happens until then, and they only last a half hour.