Strange, isn’t it. All the
potholders are in the kitchen, but the pots are at the beach. Swimsuits don’t look like
they’re made anymore—they look like they’re grown in a petri dish.
I saw one girl in a
swimsuit that was tighter than a piece of foil on a year-old stick of Juicy Fruit.
I'm getting ready for the beach. I'm lifting weights and jogging--so my
heart can stand the shock of looking at all the new bikinis.
Beach fees
have increased 10% over last year, the crowds have increased 20%, and my stomach has
increased 30%.
I hate the beach.
Remember the bully who was always kicking sand in the 98-pound weakling's face? Well, the
98-pound weakling was always kicking sand in my face!
I go to the beach
to meet well-built women. Unfortunately, they go to the beach to meet well-built men.
When I go to the beach, people
always ask for my autograph. My belly is so big, they think I’m a baseball manager.
