Children bring something special to a home: laughter, tears, love .... noise .... carpet stains.....
     A variety of odors.......

     I think having children around would be much easier if the Power Rangers would switch to de-caf.

     I told the kids whoever minds mother the best gets five bucks every Saturday. This is the third straight week I've won.

     My daughter is learning to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on the piano. I'd like to find that little star and send her there for lessons.

     I wish my kid would stop throwing his Barney doll in the washer. I'm tired of wearing purple shorts.

     Rebuked by her mother for being sullen and grouchy, the teenage daughter responded, "How come when it's me it's temper, and when it's you it's nerves?

     I don't believe in spanking. I believe in tranquilizer darts.

     One of the toughest things about being a parent is having to punish your child for something your parents could never catch you doing.

     My kids get so dirty. Before they take a bath, we have to pre-soak them.

     An 8-year-old is being punished and sits in the corner of the dining area at a table set especially for her. The rest of the family is ignoring her, until they hear her giving thanks.
     She says, "I thank thee, Lord, for preparing a table before me in the presence of mine enemies."

    I told my son to bring me my book on "aggressive child behavior." He said, "Make me!"

    The first thing a man does when he becomes a father is to change his mind about what he used to think he'd do when he became a father.

    If I've told the kids once, I've told them a hundred times, "Don't give the dog a bath in the dishwasher!" I have to admit, though, he does come out virtually spotless.

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