My doctor charges so much, when he gets sick, he can't afford himself.

     The chest X-ray showed I had pimples on my left ventricle. I said, "Doc, what does that mean?" He said, "You're still a teenager at heart."

    An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So does not having health insurance.

      My doctor said, "How come you have (MGX-872) tattooed on the back of your legs?"
      I said, "That's not a tattoo -- that's where my wife ran into me while I was opening the garage door."
      He said, "You'll have to come back tomorrow -- I only see patients with odd numbers today."

      My doctor cancelled me as a patient. He said I'd gone too long without having anything expensive.

      Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

      You have to envy doctors. They bury their mistakes -- we elect ours.

      My doctor is a very busy man. To save time he makes you take off your clothes in the waiting room.
      You'd be surprised. A lot of patients make an appoint just for the waiting room.
      An office call is $45. The waiting room is $75.
      It's unbelievable. People stand in line just to wait.
      This doctor never sees a patient. While they're waiting they forget they're sick.