I took part in the federal witness relocation program. Actually, I had very little useful information, so they just moved me across the street.

     I went to a Nation of Islam rummage sale. Wow, what a deal on used bow ties!

     It's true. French kissing can reduce plaque above the gum-line.

     Don't be fooled by fast-talking salesmen. Never buy a cell phone for your riding lawn mower unless your mower has a "whisper mode."

    My wife insists on putting those little yard lights down both sides of the front sidewalk. Last night a plane tried to land on it.
     Trashed my pink flamingos.

     I bought a new water softener. Now my water is so soft, when it drips it doesn't make a sound.