You know you've reached your fitness goal when you're strong enough to pick up your exercise equipment and throw it out the window.

     The only exercise device I ever use is my Clapper.

     I use a bicycle now for short errands. Instead of putting the pedal to the metal, I straddle the saddle.

     If God had wanted us to run, instead of a belly button, He'd have given us a Fast-Forward button. 

     Most Americans are out of shape because the only thing they ever exercise is their rights.

     I don't thing jogging is helping me to get in shape. Last night I was huffing and puffing so hard when I got to the Dairy Queen, I could hardly eat my Blizzard.

     I don't work out because all the exercise programs start out by saying, "Wear loose-fitting clothes." I don't have any loose-fitting clothes!