National Farm Safety & Health Week is the third full week in September, but on the farm it's always good to remember:

• When traveling by brahma bull, even if you’re short, don’t offer to ride the hump.

• Even though it's great fun, combine drag racing is prohibited on most freeways.

• You can't teach an old bull to catch a cow chip.

• When wringing a chicken's neck, keep your mouth closed.

• Whatever you do, never moon a goat.

• Smoking cornsilk in the hayloft may be hazardous to your barn.

• Trying to look confident in the presence of a skunk won’t help.

• When skinny-dipping in the pond, never trust a friendly turtle or a water moccasin that keeps trying to swim between your legs.

• Never wear your $95.00 Nikes to the barn. 

• Implanting a clock radio in a rooster may cause him to sleep late.

• Never order a Shirley Temple at a tractor pull.

• Make sure current birth control information is posted in the hayloft.

• Never trust a screw-worm with anything you truly cherish.

• Tickling a snake’s belly will not make him giggle.

• When a sheep starts nuzzling you, it’s probably time to shave.

• Feeding a pig diet-slop may encourage him to become a tad irrational.

• Never yell, "Drop that chicken, you turkey!" to a famished fox.

• If your tracter dies while mowing the pasture, do not try to get back to the barn by hot-wiring a heifer.

• Smoking cornsilk isn't so bad, but never smoke alfalfa without chaining yourself to the windmill.

• Always stay at least five cow-lengths ahead of the bull behind you.

• If a family of skunks moves in under the farmhouse, do not crawl in after them with a chainsaw. It's easier just to move.

• Storing vegetables under the house where it's cool is not a bad idea -- except for mashed potatoes.

• Be extremely careful when trying to exterminate yellow jackets with a Dustbuster.