Important Fire Prevention stuff to remember:

    * If you must smoke in bed, always wear wet pajamas. Or sleep at the fire station.

    * Though smoking in bed is the #1 cause of fire deaths, very few people have been burned up by chewing tobacco in bed. Though many times their spouses are.

    * Always store oily rags in a cool place in tightly sealed containers. A Tupperware bowl in the refrigerator is great -- unless, of course, someone mistakes them for leftovers and tries to warm them up in the microwave.

    * Never blow in an arsonist's ear.

    * Whatever you do, never smoke in bed or sleep with a fire-eater who burps a lot.

    * Never leave matches, lighters, or flame-throwers within the reach of children.

    * Always remember, the #1 cause of fire fatalities is smoking in bed. Except in Texas, where it's eating jalapeno peppers near an open flame.

    * Have a fire drill in your home to make sure everyone knows what to do in case of fire. When the entire family is safely outside, lock the doors.

    * Never leave small children alone in a house where there are matches and a cat with a  long tail that resembles a fuse.

    * Obtain a quality smoke detector. The best smoke detector is a reformed smoker with a big nose.