When I start out on the first tee, I feel like Tiger Woods. But after nine holes I feel more like Winnie the Pooh.

     I think I’ve finally figured the game out: if it goes right, it’s a "slice." If it goes left, it’s a "hook." And if it goes straight, it’s a miracle!

     To give you an idea of why my golf shots aren’t hitting the fairway, the other day I went fishing, and on my first cast, I missed the lake.

     I know you're supposed to replace your divots—but mine are too heavy to carry back.

    My golf game is really improving. Last weekend I played 36 holes and only fell in the lake once.

     I played golf yesterday, and I didn't even break par. I did break my three wood, my putter, and a window in a nearby condo.

   Golf is what you play when you're too out of shape to play softball.

    I was in the sand so much I saw Yassir Arafat twice!

    The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I'm having fun.

    You know it's too wet to play golf when your cart capsizes.

More Golf Humor