Look on the bright side. At least you don't have to hurry home and wash a load of
longjohns.
Well, here it is August, that time of the year when we all convert to solar heat whether we
want to or not.
Hot? All day long my underarms have been looking for a place to hide.
It's embarrassing when your armpits begin to rust.
It's so hot out there I bet you could fry an egg right in the chicken.
I think my T-shirt just died.
I don't suppose anyone is interested in the chill factor.
Today my antiperspirant failed when I was rolling it on.
Look on the bright side. At least your teeth aren't chattering.
A guy in Texas said it was so hot, he saw a mockingbird pulling a worm out of the ground
and it was using a potholder.
I hate this hot weather. I mean, I believe a man should smell like a man -- but not a dead
man.
Forecast: fair and wonderful. Just a great night to cruise down (Local) Street and count
the fast food franchises.
Sure it's hot, but just think of all that money you're saving on firewood.
It was so hot yesterday, they say at Mount Rushmore Lincoln was wearing a sweatband.
You know it's hot when you find fish eggs in your sweatband.
You know it's hot when your baby powder develops a rash.
I haven't been so hot since the time I missed the cigarette and lit my mustache.
I haven't been so hot since my old convertible blew its stack and the radiator cap landed
in my lap.
I'll tell you how hot it was at the beach. I was sunbathing, and this big bully came by
and poached an egg in my belly button.
You know it's hot when you can feel the breeze but you can't find the dragon.
I thought my stomach was growling; turned out to be my antiperspirant groaning.
Hot? The weather service just issued a Flash Sweat Warning!
I turned on the lawn sprinkler. All I got was steam.
At the zoo I saw a monkey drinking a banana!
Hey, don't slave over a hot stove in weather like this. Do it the easy way -- rush home
and toss a couple of TV dinners on the sidewalk.
By the way, today the Air Quality Index is good, so go ahead -- breathe every chance you
get.
95 degrees on the old therdadeter. Actually, it's a thermometer, but I don't want to sound
sexist.
Remember last February, when you prayed you wouldn't freeze to death? Well, your prayer is
being answered.
What a great day to go out to the parking lot, jump into your car, and roast marshmallows.
In hot weather like this everybody wears cutoffs. My wife even cut off her pantyhose.
(South) Now I know why they call this the Sunburn Belt.
Look on the bright side. At least you don't need snowshoes to trudge through high
humidity.
Since we need rain, maybe I should plan a camping trip.
I did it, I really did it. I fried an egg on the sidewalk.
But I'm a lousy cook -- I burned it.
I tried to feed the egg to a bluejay. He took one bite and turned green.
He wouldn't even eat it when I put ketchup on it.
So I'm down on my hands and knees on the sidewalk -- with a Brillo pad...
The kid next door takes my picture.
He said I shouldn't feel embarrassed though. His father isn't allowed near the kitchen
either.
