You can tell it's spring. The
hills are alive with the smell of bug killer.
I don't know what to do. al Qaeda insects are terrorizing my
front lawn.
I attacked with insect spray, but it just made 'em madder.
Last night they ate my porch.
It's really weird. My Weedeater has gained 30 pounds.
Last year my vegetable garden was all screwed up. I had a great
crop of black-eyed carrots.
Now, today's
lawn mower safety tips:
• Unless you are really fast, always sharpen the blade before
starting the mower.
• Before starting the mower, make sure the cat is not taking a nap
on the blade.
• Before starting the mower, always count your toes and choose the
ones you'd most like to keep.
• Remember, mowing with bare feet or bare legs is bloody stupid.
• Never mow wet grass with an electric mower -- unless you enjoy
singing "You Light Up My Life."
• Never point the mower's discharge chute at anyone you're really
trying to impress.
• Never gas up the mower in a garage containing a hot water heater.
The flame from the heater can ignite the gasoline. And the smell of burned flesh does
nothing for a garage sale.
