Did you ever stop and really think about parsley? Well why not do it now -- while I run out for a drink.

     Consider parsley -- the only cash crop that is grown entirely to be thrown out sprig by sprig.

     I was thinking about parsley again today. I do that a lot. I used to think about nuclear war but that gave me headaches. Thinking about parsley has never given me a headache.

     Is parsley real? Did you ever eat that little sprig of parsley on the side of your plate? How do you know it's not plastic and made in Hong Kong?

     Since all parsley is green -- how do you know if you get a bad batch?

     Parsley is so useless nobody's ever even tried to smoke it.

     They don't even spray parsley for insects. Insects don't want it.

     But consider this. Have you ever seen a sprig of DEAD parsley?
     Does parsley live forever?
     Have you been leaving the secret to life itself laying there on your dirty plate?

     The world champion parsley wrangler is Waco Weidermeier of Beef Jerkey, Alberta, who once roped a maverick sprig of parsley at 30 feet, brought it down, and broccoli-tied it in seven seconds.

     Now you can stop thinking about parsley -- if you haven't already. I'm not surprised -- it's not easy to think about parsley for very long.