I really needed a vacation. I was starting to hum the tunes to rap songs.

     On our vacation we stayed in an 18th century inn that was the site of a notorious affair between Betsy Ross and John Quincy Gifford.

     "Winnebago" — I think that’s an old Indian term meaning "I’m gonna kill those kids when I get home!"

     Just got back from vacation, and I’m glad to say that my credit cards are all in remission.

     I asked my wife if she could take any cruise she wanted, which would she take? She said, "Tom."

     A cruise is when you go for days and days--and see nothing but food.

     We vacationed by car and saw the U.S.A. the old-fashioned way--one tow truck at a time.