* Now that vacation time is almost over, let's review all the things we learned this summer:

   Never stay in a motel where the thermostat is painted on the wall.

   Sun tan lotion will not come out of a kid's clothes, the carpet, or the cat.

   Travel agents have plush carpets in their offices, so when you hear the cost of a vacation, you have a soft place to collapse.

   The first thing they tell you on a cruise ship is that the boat can't possibly sink. The second thing they tell you is to report on deck for the lifeboat drill.

   To prevent seasickness, avoid thinking about things that can turn your stomach: the heaving of the ship ... the rolling of the waves ... the cost of the cruise...

   A size-8 child's sneaker will hold six gallons of sand.

   Never stay at a place called the Friday the 13th Motel managed by a guy named Jason. Or a woman named Jasonella.

   Your children will always come in bone dry from swimming -- and sopping wet from fishing.

   Never trust a tour guide named Pierre -- especially in Mexico.

   A dream vacation is one you can afford.

   The term "folding beach chair" is just another way of saying, "Has anyone seen an extra finger laying around here?"

   During the year you can't get your kids in the bathtub; on a trip, you can't get them out of the pool

   Fish are incredibly ugly to look at -- especially if you have to clean them.

   Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is something you cn catch from Rocky Mountain Spotted tour guides.

    The world is filled with natural enemies: cats and dogs, umpires and managers, women and roadmaps...

    Times change. Nowadays, you may not be able to pay for your vacation by picking up beer cans along the highway.