It’s so hot you could poach an egg in my armpit.

     I sweat so much, I had to caulk my armpits.

     You know it’s hot when your dog gets a skinhead haircut.

     Even in hot weather (anyone) looks so cool, I turn green with algae.

     Hot? I saw a bunch of winos passing around a Dilly Bar!

     Everywhere you look there is sunshine and warmth. It’s like living in the french fry bin at McDonalds.

     What a nice day. It’s the kind of day that would make Jimmy Carter want to leave the roof off the house he’s building.

     This is tornado season — a huge wind that appears out of nowhere and creates havoc — sort of like (Jerry Springer).

     It was so hot in Florida, Marlins’ fans took the bags off their heads.

     The weather is so great. It's a perfect time to open all the windows and let in some fresh pollution.

     Today there's a 60% chance of rain, a 40% chance your umbrella will leak, and a 30% chance your hair spray will turn to syrup.

     [heavy rain] To be perfectly honest, I prefer my mud a little dryer.