Why Jesus Loves Children

     A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way
to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

     One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

[From Mikey's Funnies]

Easter at Church

Denominational Falling

When the Methodist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and
says, "That was an experience, how do I learn from it?"

When the Catholic priest falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and
says, "I must have done something really bad to deserve that."

When the Presbyterian minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up
and says, "That was inevitable, I'm glad its over."

When the Baptist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and
says, "Which one of my deacons pushed me?"

Source: Aha! Jokes

Ten Things You Never Hear in Church

1. "Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!"

2. "I was so enthralled, I never even noticed your sermon went 25 minutes overtime."

3. "Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf."

4. "I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I've been sending to TV Evangelists."

5. "I'll volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class."

6. "Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do!"

7. "I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before."

8. "Since we're all here, let's start the service early!"

9. "Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas."

10. "Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment to the Lord like our annual stewardship campaign."

From Mikey's Funnies

Twinkies and  Root Beer

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?

"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen."

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

Though the "Twinkies & Root Beer" piece is normally attributed "Author Unknown," it seems very similar to stories from the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia, professor at the University of Southern California, known to many as "A Cheerleader for Life."

    A man walking on the beach was deep in prayer. Then God spoke to him saying that because he had always been faithful, one wish would be granted to him.

    The man said he wanted a bridge to Hawaii so he could drive there. God said his materialistic wish was too difficult and it would take too many natural resources, and that he should think of another wish.

    The man thought for a time, then said he wished that he could understand his wife, know her feelings, what she wants, and why she gives him the silent treatment and says nothing is wrong.

    The Lord thought, then replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

     Smith climbs to the top of Mount Sinai to talk to God.

     Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."

    Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."

    Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."

More Church Bulletin Fun

    * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

    * This afternoon services will be held at the north and south ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

    * The Little Mothers Club will meet at 5 p.m. Thursday. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

    * This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

    * Next week we will take a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet should come forward and get a piece of paper.

    * The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement today.

    * A bean supper will be held on Thursday evening. Music will follow.

    * The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Learned in Sunday School

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"

Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."

Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?" [Thanks to Mary M]

From Live well, Laugh often, Love much