Saturday, May 31
Simply enduring violence will not
bring peace
DR. WALLACE: I'm writing about your
response to Mindy, age 13, of Alliance, Ohio, who said her older
sister, who is 15, hits her whenever she gets angry. Mindy explained
that, as a Christian, she doesn't believe she should hit her back.
Your response was: Defend yourself. Hit her back.
In my opinion, Mindy is right to
feel that violence is wrong. The last thing we need right now is
more violence in the world. Sure, one girl in one house isn't going
to make that much difference, but by telling your readers that if
someone hits you, you should hit back, you are telling millions of
teens that violence is all right.
It's not, and anyone who can turn
the other cheek should not be criticized, but congratulated. Maybe
others, like yourself, could learn something from these peacemakers,
and make the world a better place to live.
Please, Dr. Wallace, tell your
readers that peace is the answer, not violence. You'd be doing the
world a favor. - Cathy, Petaluma, Calif.
CATHY: We are not in disagreement. I
abhor violence and believe, with you, that peace is the only answer.
But turning the other cheek doesn't simply mean sitting there and
taking it, over and over. When merely ignoring a bully doesn't
curtail the bullying, different tactics are necessary. True
peacemakers, in other words, actually stop the violence.
Sadly, many young people find
themselves in Mindy's position. They are abused by some jerk who is
able to act with impunity because the adults who are supposed to be
in charge, at school or at home, are the ones looking the other way.
Mindy had been physically abused by her sister for a long time. Her
parents were failing to protect her.
She had no choice but to stand up to
her sister in some way and let her know she would no longer tolerate
being pushed around and physically assaulted. Sometimes words and
unwavering eye contact are sufficient; sometimes self-defense
requires stronger action, up to and including fighting back. Usually
very little physical retaliation is necessary to cause the bully to
re-evaluate her behavior.
But simply enduring the violence,
and failing to end it, is not bringing peace to the world.
NO PARENTS, NO PARTY
DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and have never
been in any serious trouble - anywhere! I'm not considered to be a
goody-goody, but I'm also not reckless either. My best friend is
throwing a "sweet 16" surprise party for a mutual friend and, of
course, I'm invited. The party will be from 6 to 10 p.m. on a
Saturday. About 20 guys and gals will be attending. But I'm not so
sure I'll be one of them.
My mom refuses to let me attend
because there will be no adult supervision. My friend's parents are
on vacation. All the kids who will be at the party know each other
and none of them would be considered a troublemaker. Now that you
have this information, do you feel I should be allowed to attend
this party? I'm banking on you to be a friend and say yes. -
Nameless, Santa Fe, N.M.
NAMELESS: Sorry, but I'm not in
favor of teens attending a party without proper adult supervision.
No exceptions!
I hope my answer doesn't end our
friendship.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes
questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of
them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this
column. Write to him at Copley News Service, P.O. Box 120190, San
Diego, CA 92112 or e-mail him at
rwallace@galesburg.net.
© Copley News Service
Visit Copley News Service at
www.copleynews.com.