If All Else Fails, Ask Daughter to Move

DR. WALLACE: Our 20-year-old daughter is still living at home with my husband, our younger children and me. She has been dating the same guy for over two years, and their relationship is a nightmare not only for them, but also for the rest of the family, including our younger children. Whenever they have a fight our daughter becomes highly irritable, screaming and slamming doors. This is a most unhealthy relationship. One day it's love; the next day it's hate. The relationship is totally void of trust on both sides.

Our daughter has been to counseling, but there has been no improvement. It's to the point that my husband and I need to attend counseling sessions for ourselves; we cannot take any more of this. I know the younger children are adversely affected by the whole situation.

My daughter and her boyfriend are basically good — no drugs or alcohol. All we want is for her to be happy, the way she was before she got a boyfriend. What should we do? We are loving, supportive parents. Our daughter has a full-time job and is capable of supporting herself. - Mother, Jackson, Miss.

MOTHER: Since you haven't seen positive results working with your daughter, concentrate on the boyfriend. Set up a time when you can talk to him alone and explain that the "rocky" relationship he shares with your daughter is affecting your family in a very negative way. Ask for his help and suggestions on what the family can do. If he loves your daughter, he will go with her to get assistance and guidance from a professional counselor. If he is sincere, he can help the situation immensely.

But if all else fails, you must ask your daughter to move out of the house. I know this would be a painful decision, but you cannot allow a dysfunctional member of the family to keep the entire family in constant turmoil.

I BELIEVE YOUR PARENTS MADE A MISTAKE

DR. WALLACE: I'm on the school drill team that performs at the halftime of football and basketball games and at pep rallies. It's great fun, and I really enjoy being a part of the team.

My parents demand that I get outstanding grades. So when I received a B+ grade in my first semester of geometry, they made me drop out of the drill team. I'm devastated by this because our drill team will perform at the 2012 graduation ceremony and my cousin will be one of the graduates. I really want to be back on the drill team by then. I really don't think my parents are being fair and I know you'll agree with me. Please respond to my letter. - Callie, San Diego, Calif.

CALLIE: There are hundreds of better ways for parents to encourage their child to do well in the classroom. They make a mistake when they take away an enjoyable educational activity as a punishment for a low grade. Besides, who says a B+ is a low grade in the first semester of geometry? I can remember when I would have been thrilled to receive a B+ in geometry ... and my parents would have fainted! Luckily, geometry became a bit easier as the year progressed.

I hope your parents relent and you once again become a member of the drill team. It's a great honor to participate in this wonderful extra-curricular experience.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.