Your Biological Father is not the Answer to your Problems

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and live with my mother and my stepfather, who has adopted me and I now use his last name. My mom was young and unmarried when she had me. My biological father said he didn't want anything to do with me. When I was 5, my mother married my stepfather. I don't like him one bit because he's always lecturing me about the bad things that can happen to me if I smoke, drink or do drugs.

Sometimes, I ask my mom if I can do something or go somewhere and she says yes, but then my stepfather will say no. And the final decision is always no because my mom always does what he says. I have always wondered who my real dad is, because maybe I'd like to live with him and be rid of my stepfather. I love my mom, but I hate my stepfather.

When I ask my parents if they will let me meet my real dad, they always say no and get upset that I even asked. I think I'm old enough to know about my real dad. What should I do about my problem? — Katelyn, Hammond, Ind.

KATELYN: It's natural for you to be curious about your biological father, but I caution you not to fantasize that he's the answer to your problems. He abandoned you once, after all. He may be in no position, emotionally or financially, to have you live with him. I would encourage you to look him up, but wait until you're 18, and, preferably, no longer living at home.

Being a stepparent is not an easy job. Your stepfather has accepted you as his daughter, and I'm sure he is doing what he thinks is best for you. No parent is perfect, but when your stepfather makes a decision you dislike, you can't dismiss him as "only" a stepparent. Frankly, his lectures about smoking and drinking seem reasonable to me.

Maybe when you're 18, you'll see the picture a little more clearly and appreciate him for taking on the job of raising you, which your biological father avoided.

I FEEL JEALOUS OF MY PRETTY SISTER

DR. WALLACE: My older sister is very popular at our school. She is a varsity cheerleader and is involved in student government. She is also very pretty and has a terrific figure.

I'm almost the opposite. I'm not popular and not considered attractive. I only top my sister when it comes to brains and grades — big deal! I still don't have a lot of friends.

My problem is that I sometimes feel jealous of my sister. I know this isn't right, but I just can't help myself. I do love my sister — very much. What can I do to make myself stop being jealous? — Tonya, East Liverpool, Ohio

TONYA: Having brainpower and getting good grades are big deals. You have much to be proud of. You need to stop comparing yourself to your sister and accept yourself for who you are — different from your sister, but with a lot to offer.

You say that you don't have a lot of friends, so it sounds to me as though you do have SOME friends. That's what matters. But if you want to expand your circle, you can do so. Get involved. Join a club or two and start attending school functions. The more people get to know you, the more they will enjoy being with you. And the better you'll feel about yourself.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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