Should I Forgive my Friend?

DR. WALLACE: I used to be good friends with Ashley, but no more! Ashley and I were friends since second grade, but for the past year or so, all she did was try to get me in trouble — at school, with my parents, with other friends and even with my boyfriend. I must admit that there are times I miss Ashley, but after all the trouble she got me into, we will never be close friends again. Many times I told her things in strict confidence only to have it come back to me from family or friends. She would never tell lies about me, but often she exaggerated what I said.

My boyfriend said she has a mental problem and I should forgive her. No matter what she has or doesn't have, forgiveness is out of the question. Your comments, please. — Nameless, DeKalb, Ill.

NAMELESS: Some teens enjoy getting friends in trouble because that makes them feel powerful. This person probably lacks self-esteem. Seeing a friend in trouble boosts her self-esteem temporarily. According to Ginny Chuster, a family therapist at North Shore Children's Hospital in Salem, Mass., "Some teens enjoy getting others in trouble ... because they think it's cool to be in the know."

Should you forgive your friend? Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to continue being her friend.

THE CULPRIT IS MOTHER NATURE

DR. WALLACE: Why do 11-year-old boys act so stupid and immature? It seems like all they ever do is make noise, make a pest of themselves and gorge their stomachs. Every night I thank the Good Lord that He made me a girl. — Emily, Tupelo, Miss.

EMILY: Boys can't help the way they act. Actually, the culprit is Mother Nature, who decided that girls would mature both mentally and physically faster than boys. But she shows compassion and permits the boys to rise to the level of the girls at around age 15.

WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO START A CONVERSATION?

DR. WALLACE: What's the best way to get a conversation started with someone you just met at a party or gathering? I want to learn how to become a very good conversationalist and garner a few dates at the same time. — Jason, Brunswick, Ga.

JASON: The secret to the art of being a good conversationalist is knowing how to ask thought-provoking questions about something a person is likely to have an opinion on, such as music, movies, sports or school activities. Avoid controversial topics, such as politics or religion.

Don't ask questions that can be answered by a simple yes or no. Instead of asking, "Do you like rap music?" which can be answered yes or no, ask, "What do you think of rap music?"

Always smile when trying to start a conversation with a stranger. Listen carefully to what they say, and never, never interrupt them or correct them even if you know they're wrong. You are trying to make a friend, not win a debate.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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